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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24541366">Just a little bit mine</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Working_On_A_Unified_Theory/pseuds/Working_On_A_Unified_Theory'>Working_On_A_Unified_Theory</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>But it gets better I promise, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Canon, Slow Burn, They/Themrey, also they’re all real people here instead of AI, and even so it’s veeery little angst, and i vaguely connect them, but mainly for the last few chapters, characters will probably have some adhd/autism quirks i love projecting, domestic? sort of?, for clarification there’s only angst in like the first 2 chapters after that ‘s all good, i do very little chapter planning so most of this is just a jumble of ideas i spontaneously got, i feel like i have to stress that my writing skills, no beta we die like idiots, oh yeah bubby and coomer are married but they’re probably not gonna play a major role, there’s definitely gonna be a lot of OOC in here, were still a lil rusty during the first few chapters and im not proud of them, when i said slow burn i meant SLOW burn yeah</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 11:07:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>23,874</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24541366</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Working_On_A_Unified_Theory/pseuds/Working_On_A_Unified_Theory</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Gordon is recovering from everything that happened at Black Mesa, wanting to live the rest of his life in peace. However, someone is here to disturb that peace, for better or for worse.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Benrey/Gordon Freeman</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>117</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>513</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this is the first fic i’ve ever posted on this website and i dont know what im doing! help!<br/>I have written fanfiction before but it’s been a looooong time since i’ve last written anything, so apologies if my writing is a lil rusty or weird. or cringe. its probably very cringe. hope you enjoy reading it tho! (this is also just a prologue of sorts, so don’t expect anything eventful to happen in this chapter, sorry)</p><p>TW: nightmares, slight choking/suffocating</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It hadn’t been too long since the incident at Black Mesa. Gordon still remembers almost detail with an astounding and somewhat unsettling accuracy. It’s like the events that transpired were permanently burned into his memory. Every step he took, every movement. Every exchange with the others. He was able to recall it all clear as day. It seemed his mind liked to use that against him, though, especially at night.</p><p>He had awoken from a nightmare in the middle of the night earlier that day, sweating and out of breath. His eyes darted around the room and he reassured himself that this was indeed reality and not another horrible nightmare. He tried to steady his breathing in order to calm himself down, and then sighed heavily with relief. He sluggishly turned his body around to check the time on his alarm clock. </p><p>
  <strong>2:38 AM</strong>
</p><p>He almost felt as if he was being mocked by the damn thing. He rolled himself on his back to face the ceiling. It was almost completely dark in his room, aside from the light illuminating off of the street lanterns outside that crept through his blinds ever so slightly. He just stared at the ceiling for who knows how long, trying to process the nightmare he just had.</p><p> </p><p>He was back in Black Mesa, with the Science Team. It seemed the group was taking a break, as they were all sat down and talking to each other. Gordon could barely make out any words that were being said, it all sounded like indistinct and muffled babbling. He wasn’t very alarmed by this, as it put him in a relaxed state. He was finally able to drown out the, quite frankly, annoying words the others constantly spewed.</p><p>After a while though, he started to feel like...something was wrong. He looked around for anything that seemed suspicious, but he turned up empty-handed. That was until he looked to a corner to his left. He could’ve sworn there was a stack of crates there before, or something that didn’t make it look like a barren wasteland compared to how full the rest of the room appeared. He figured he would ask the others about this.</p><p>“Hey, has anyone seen where the boxes there have gone?” Gordon directed his head towards the rest of the group.</p><p>“What boxes are you talking about, Gordon?” Dr. Coomer cheerfully replied. The rest of his team seems to still be engaged in conversation, ignoring Gordon.</p><p>“Well— uh, yeah, that’s what I mean. There used to be a bunch of ’em there,” He pointed to the uncomfortable bare corner. “but now they’ve just disappeared. Where are they?” </p><p>“I don’t know Gordon. I think you’re just hallucinating!” He replied in the same cheery tone, before turning back around to converse with the others, his voice slowly becoming nothing more than white noise to Gordon’s ears.</p><p>Something about this whole situation made him panic, but he wanted to appear calm for the sake of not startling his companions. He calmly shifted his gaze from the group to his hands to...</p><p>wait.</p><p>Where is his crowbar?</p><p>He looked down to see his hand wrapped around...absolutely nothing. Thin air. He could’ve sworn that just moments ago he had the thing gripped loosely in his hands. He checked the ground beneath him for any sign of the tool, but to no avail. Did it just...disappear as soon as he looked down? Or was it gone earlier than that and he just didn’t notice? Either way, he needed to alert the team.</p><p>“Guys, is it just me or is random stuff disappearing out of nowhere in here?”</p><p>No response. The others just sat idly, still producing nothing more than muffled noises that vaguely sounded like words, ignoring Gordon’s question.</p><p>He cleared his throat in an attempt to gain the attention of the group, now speaking louder. “I’m sorry but, uh, did you guys hear me?”</p><p>No response yet again. Gordon started getting frustrated. Are they ignoring him on purpose?</p><p>“Anyone?”</p><p>Met with silence, Gordon directed his attention to the rest of the room. It was now completely empty aside from the presence of merely four other people, who were all ignoring him.</p><p>“Guys, <em>please</em> tell me what’s going on!” He practically yelled, both frustrated and scared, only for his words to fall on deaf ears.</p><p>As he swiftly stood up, he felt himself get dizzy as he saw that one of the walls of the room had also flat out disappeared from sight, with nothing but an empty, dark void hiding behind it. His view was getting blurry, and he started to enter a panicked state. He could swear he saw that there were only 3 other people left now. Either Bubby or Dr. Coomer seemed to have disappeared. His now horrible vision made them out to be nothing but flashy silhouettes, making it difficult to differentiate between them. </p><p>Soon the walls, the ceiling and floor, and the only other living creatures were all gone, leaving nothing and no-one but Gordon and this black void. </p><p>He wanted to scream, but nothing came out of his mouth, no matter how hard he tried. The silence he heard was...<em>indescribable.</em> It was enough to drive anyone insane. There was absolutely nothing to be heard. He brought a hand to his own face, but he couldn’t feel it. It’s like both his hand and his face weren’t there. He scratched his face so hard that if he could feel anything, he was sure he’d be screaming by now. But nothing happened. <em>He felt nothing.</em></p><p>Breathing in and out seemed to do nothing as he slowly started to feel like his lungs were being held and choked, tightness increasing with every passing second. The burning pain was the only thing he could feel. It felt like he was going to die at any moment now, it was nearing in on him. Closer, and closer, and closer...</p><p> </p><p>Gordon was still in bed, weirdly satisfied with the fact that he was able to remember it all so clearly. It was definitely not alike any of the other nightmares he had had in the weeks after the incident. The others seemed more...realistic for lack of a better word. They were more in tune with everything that he had actually experienced in the facility. This dream seemed oddly out of place. Gordon, however, was definitely too tired to analyze it in any capacity. He probably wasn’t going to be able to sleep for the rest of the night due to this dream anyway, so he decided to drag himself out of bed early and wake himself up by having a cup of coffee. </p><p>He didn’t even bother getting dressed yet and walked straight to the kitchen to prepare his drink that’ll make up for his terrible sleep schedule. Everything in his life up to this point has been a disaster in hindsight. His childhood, although he couldn’t do much about it himself, wasn’t exactly...great. School was nothing short of a nightmare for him. He constantly got bullied and the only classes he <em>didn’t</em> fail like, all the time, were physics, science and sometimes math. His choice to study for a PhD in theoretical physics was probably the only good choice he’s ever made, too bad he chose to apply for a job at Black Mesa. If he had looked for work elsewhere, perhaps none of this would have ever happened. And not to mention his ex-wife. How glad Gordon was that he was able to get full custody of Joshua. Maybe having a child was the second good decision he made, although he deeply regretted having him with...her.</p><p>Gordon got lost in thought for what seemed to be, but didn’t feel like, just a little over an hour. Luckily he snapped out of it when he heard a rather heavy, but not aggressive-sounding, knock on the door. Gordon checked the clock that was hanging above the kitchen counter.</p><p>
  <strong>4:12 AM</strong>
</p><p>Who could possibly be knocking at this ungodly hour?</p><p>Reluctantly, Gordon set down his empty mug that he had somehow held on to all this time on the counter and grumpily walked to the front door. He was too tired to check who it was, and figured he would like to surprise himself. He gripped the handle and pulled the door open only to be met with...</p><p>“yo.”</p><p>“Benrey?” If Gordon had the energy to, he would without a doubt be yelling. “What the <em>fuck</em> are you doing here?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Benrey has unexpectedly showed up on Gordon’s porch, much to his dismay. What is it exactly that they want from him this time?</p><p>Benrey infodumps. Joshua meets Benrey. Gordon talks to Benrey about his previous relationship.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p><strong>note that i changed the name of the fic from “Here for you” to “Just a little bit mine”. </strong>i’m currently satisfied with this name so i probably won’t change it anytime soon.</p><p>yooo im back bitchess. this chapter definitely turned out a lot longer (and mayb also a lil sloppier) than the last chapter but i am also definitely happier with how this one turned out! it felt a lot more natural to write, which may also be why it ended up so long lol. and yes when i tagged this as “slowburn” i really do mean *slowburn*, sorry. either way, hope you enjoy reading it just as much as i did writing it! lots o’ love!</p><p>TW: implied abuse (only like one sentence tho but i figured i’d warn anyway)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Benrey was just standing there, on his porch. Gordon had oh so many questions for them, but he doubted any of them would be answered properly.</p><p>“oh, y’know, just need a place to crash for a few weeks...months, maybe. i was staying at Tommy’s place but—“</p><p>“No I— I mean like— how the <em>fuck</em> are you alive? I thought we killed you?”</p><p>Benrey avoided eye contact, instead resting their gaze upon Gordon’s hand, which was still gripping the door handle. They were silent for a second, as if trying to think of something to say, before responding.</p><p>“i respawned using my epic gamer powers, bro.” They delivered this line with a slight grin, but their tone was nothing short of dead serious.</p><p>“That’s— that’s not possible, dude. It— I don’t think that’s how it works.”</p><p>“wow, gamerphobic much? rude. i expected better from you, Feetman.”</p><p>Gordon looked down and sighed with a mix of confusion and frustration. He wanted to tell Benrey off for calling him Feetman, but he was still trying to process what they just said. He was way too tired to get angry at anyone, too.</p><p>After a brief silence between the two, Benrey’s eyes met Gordon’s outfit, and they started talking again.</p><p>“diggin’ the look, by the way.” They snarkily remarked.</p><p>Gordon, still looking down, shifted his attention to the clothes he was currently wearing. A grey, oversized t-shirt was comfortably draping over his body, along with a light-blue flannel patterned pair of pajama pants. He had also put on a pair of slippers since the kitchen floor was pretty cold.</p><p>“Shut up, man. It’s not like you look any better.”</p><p>Benrey, on the other hand, was wearing a plain hoodie with some sweatpants and sneakers, but the colors didn’t go together at all. What’s even worse is that the grey-blueish hue of their helmet (which they were still wearing for some reason) clashed with everything else as well, making the overall outfit an uncoordinated eyesore.</p><p>“yeah, well, whatever.” Benrey briefly looked at Gordon while talking, but quickly averted their eyes yet again.</p><p>“So, anyways, you want to start explaining why exactly you came here?” Gordon crossed his arms in a mostly futile attempt to look more intimidating.</p><p>“chill, bro. i was about to tell you just now but you interrupted me ‘n shit.”</p><p>“Well I— sorry, I guess. Can you just tell me now, then?”</p><p>“only because you asked so nicely. so like, after our epic fight when you guys were going to Chuck E Cheese or whatever, i was still respawning so i— like i couldn’t join you guys because the— the respawn was still on cooldown and i had to wait, like, 4 hours or something. definitely a cringe moment. so when i <em>did</em> respawn i wanted to like, go to Tommy’s house to— y’know? to apologize to him like ‘hey sorry i wasn’t at— at your party’ so i did that and he was like ‘oh it’s okay we could like, have a bomb-ass party over here’ and we did and it was epic and i ended up staying there for a few days but the uh— his dad, g-man, was all angry because i was staying there for too long and he called me annoying and uh— and he gave Tommy like a whole Top 10 Reasons Why Benrey Has To Leave, or something. so Tommy told me i had to leave like— even though he didn’t want me to leave and it was very sad but Tommy said i could visit him sometimes but i— i can’t like, stay there, anymore. ‘cuz his dad said so.”</p><p>Gordon was astounded by how fast Benrey was able to talk, all the while not needing to take a deep breath or anything of the sort, instead they just swiftly continue ranting like it’s nothing.</p><p>“so like, now i need a place to stay at—like where i can sleep ‘n shit. i tried sleeping on the pavement but it— that was really sucks because it wasn’t very comfortable. so uh, basically what i’m tryna ask is uh— can i like, stay here? for a bit?”</p><p>Still remaining silent, Gordon wanted to make sure that Benrey was absolutely, positively done speaking. Plus, he needed a little bit of time to think whether he should let them stay here or not. He didn’t exactly trust Benrey, but they seemed to have no ill intent. When the silence got awkward, he replied.</p><p>“You know what? Fuck it, sure, whatever. Just—don’t break any of my shit. And don’t you even dare hurt Joshua. If you make him cry, I’m kicking you out.”</p><p>Gordon swears he noticed the slightest change in their otherwise stoic expression, as they tried to hide their enthusiasm when responding.</p><p>“aight. cool. thanks i, uh, i promise you won’t regret it, Feetman.”</p><p>Gordon opened up the door further and stepped aside, gesturing Benrey to come in. As Benrey entered they calmly but thoroughly looked around the place, almost as if they were investigating it. Gordon closed the door and locked it before following Benrey around to make sure they’re not going to do, well, whatever weird shit it is they usually do. To avoid such a scenario, he decided to show them around the house.</p><p>It’s a simple, two story house. Gordon only showed Benrey the rooms that were of importance to them, out of fear that they might start snooping around if something caught their eye. He showed them where the bathrooms on both floors were first, then showing where his own room, the guest bedroom— where Benrey would be staying—, and Joshua’s bedroom were.</p><p>Despite the house being pretty small in size, Gordon was tired from all that walking around. They both returned to the living room and Benrey, with permission from Gordon, was quick to sit on the couch and play on his Nintendo Switch™, as it was one of the first things they had noticed when first entering the place.</p><p>“Also, would you mind not messing with my save files for any of my games? Just like, make a new profile or something.”</p><p>Benrey hummed in agreement, already having booted up the console.</p><p>Gordon walked to the kitchen and rested his arms on the counter, still somewhat shocked by the fact that he could only feel the cold and the stone-like texture of the countertop with one of his arms. He should definitely have gotten used to his prosthetic lower arm by now, but for whatever reason he just can’t seem to adjust to it. His thoughts start making massive leaps, and he begins thinking about everything that has happened so far on this day. All of it has been incredibly odd. From the nightmare, to Benrey’s unexpected visit. How long are they even going to stay here? Did he ask them that yet? Come to think of it, they’ve been awfully nice to him today. Most unusual. Maybe they were just being nice to him to get his permission to stay here. They’ll probably start acting like a huge asshole again tomorrow. Hopefully they won’t, he thinks to himself. He much prefers this version of Benrey that’s just a little bit chiller, a little nicer, than the one he’s used to.</p><p>He shakes his head to prevent himself from drowning in his thoughts too much, and glances over to the TV screen Benrey is currently occupying. They’re playing some kind of...shooter game with squids? He vaguely remembers playing that colorful and flashy-looking game, but he can’t quite put his finger on the title.</p><p>Gordon zones out for a bit yet again while watching Benrey play—meanwhile also getting lost in his own thoughts—but he lets it happen. He checks the time after a while and notices that it’s almost 7 AM already. With nothing better to do, he decides to make some breakfast. He hasn’t eaten in about 4 hours anyway, and he was admittedly getting kind of hungry.</p><p>“Hey, uh, Benrey, I’m gonna prepare some eggs on toast real quick, you want some too?”</p><p>“uhh eggs are kinda sucks not gonna lie, do ya got anything else?” Benrey didn’t look away from the game while answering his question.</p><p>“I could just make a regular ham and cheese sandwich for you, I suppose? You okay with that?”</p><p>“yeah uh—sounds good. don’t grill it or anything just—just keep it like, regular.” They seemed to get a little frustrated at the game, occasionally pausing their sentence to quickly mash some buttons before letting out a sigh of defeat.</p><p>“Got it.”</p><p>As Gordon prepared both of their meals, the sound of the game Benrey was playing became a comforting background noise to him. It was surprisingly soothing to hear them rhythmically pushing the bumpers on the controller while the high-energy music of the game was playing in the background. Gordon may have burned one of his eggs a little bit while taking in all those noises, but aside from that his breakfast turned out pretty well.</p><p>Benrey finished up their game and joined Gordon for breakfast, though he was currently waking up Joshua and bringing him downstairs for breakfast. Once downstairs, Joshua was excited at the sigh of a new face, giggling happily at the unfamiliar man while being put in his high chair. Gordon had prepared some yogurt with soft chunks of strawberry for Joshua, but his son seemed more fixated on Benrey.</p><p>“Oh, right. Joshie, this is <em>Benrey</em>.” Gordon heavily emphasized their name.</p><p>“Benny!” Joshua softly yet enthusiastically repeated.</p><p>Benrey chuckled, although they weren’t sure how to respond. They didn’t have a lot of experience with kids, and they didn’t want to make the situation awkward. Gordon did tell them not to upset his child, after all. </p><p>“yo, uh, sup lil cringe ass nae nae baby. lil, uh, lil infant.”</p><p>Gordon passed them an icy glare, before turning back to face Joshua. Benrey carried on eating their sandwich while watching him lovingly and patiently feed his son, who, luckily for Benrey, seemed to have dragged his attention away from them. There was something oddly heartwarming about watching Gordon take care of his son like that, even though it was probably an everyday thing for them. They had just never seen this side of him before.</p><p>After wrapping up breakfast, Gordon lifts up Joshua and gives him a bottle of milk to drink out of, while Benrey immediately gets back to gaming. To their surprise, he joins them on the couch, Joshua still held in his arms. Benrey went back to playing the same game, and Gordon went back to watching them play it. A comfortable silence fell between them for a while.</p><p>But a question for Gordon was plaguing Benrey’s mind, and their curiousity got the better of them, so they asked him.</p><p>“so like, uh, you don’t have to answer this if it’s like a—like a bad question or anything, but uh, how did you get Joshua? i uh—i mean like, are you married to someone or something? who’s the other fail parent?”</p><p>Gordon took a while before answering the question.</p><p>“I used to have a wife, Claire, but we got divorced about...2 years ago? I think? I haven’t really seen her since.”</p><p>“whuh? oh, uh, you don’t have to talk about it if—if it’s like a touchy subject or anything, bro.”</p><p>“No, it’s fine. I think you somewhat have a right to know, since you’re my roommate for now, I guess.”</p><p>Gordon took a deep breath to prepare himself. It seemed like Benrey was still focused on the game, so they probably weren’t listening fully anyway.</p><p>“It’s been a real bumpy ride, me and Claire. She was always so cheerful and happy. Her beaming smile was more than enough to make anyone feel better on the spot. We eventually decided to get married, even though we really didn’t know each other for that long at all. It was kind of a spontaneous decision, actually. Everything went great between us until Joshua was born. At first she was excited, of course, but after a month or three, she gradually became more...angry. More grumpy and tired. She seemed constantly stressed out from work, I worked during the daytime, and she worked in the evening, through long nights. She had to stop working for a while to take care of Joshua, obviously, so once she got back to work after a long time she struggled getting back into the flow of things, I figured. I wanted to talk it out with her, but she just lashed out at me and...”</p><p>He paused for a bit, attempting to steady his shaky voice. Benrey’s eyes were still locked on the game they were playing. They seemed to tense up a bit from Gordon’s unusual tone, though they decided not to interrupt him.</p><p>“She told me she wanted a divorce a few days later. Said that everything we’ve done together was a mistake to her. She didn’t want to see me or Joshua ever again. Luckily that meant that I got full custody over the little guy, but...”</p><p>Gordon took an even longer pause after his voice trailed off, absentmindedly looking at the TV screen.</p><p>“I still don’t know what I did wrong. I wanted to ask her but...I never mustered up the courage. Was it my fault? Did I do something wrong? Or was there something going on with her that I didn’t know about? Could I have helped her if I just—asked?”</p><p>The room got silent aside from the speakers still playing that upbeat music, but it wasn’t as loud as before. Benrey must’ve turned down the volume while he was speaking, though he hadn’t noticed it. Gordon reflected on how much he had been talking to Benrey, or, well, rather himself. He doubted Benrey’d actually heard everything he said, their eyes still glued to the screen. Gordon started feeling...incredibly awkward at their lack of a response.</p><p>“Sorry for rambling so much man, that was stupid of me I—just needed to get that off my chest and I—I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable or anythi—“</p><p>“nah. ‘s all good man.” They responded, though not averting their gaze. “i’m not always good at listening, but i don’t mind hearing you ramble, honestly.” Benrey realized that that probably came out very differently than they had intended. “i mean it was pretty cringe of you, but still.” They quickly added.</p><p>“Hah. Whatever man.” Gordon jokingly punched their shoulder. The sudden interaction startled them, but they both laughed it off. Benrey took a few more jabs at him, but eventually Gordon got too tired to jab back at them.</p><p>He noticed that Joshua started getting a bit sleepy, visibly trying and failing to keep his eyes open.  Gordon stood up, still carrying his son.</p><p>“I’m gonna put Joshie in his crib to let him nap for a bit, he’s a little tired. Don’t do anything—weird while I’m gone, alright?”</p><p>“Sure bro, have fun with your cringe ass nae nae baby.”</p><p>“Don’t call my son ‘cringe’, buddy.”</p><p>Benrey was trying to hold back their laughter as Gordon walked to Joshua’s room. They exited out of their game so that they could hear Gordon sing his son a lullaby a few rooms over. It sounded muffled from this distance, but his voice was unmistakeable.</p><p>They sighed and looked around the living room, taking in their surroundings while listening to the comforting melody.</p><p>They could definitely get used to this.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>pheww i hope you enjoyed reading it! when reading through it for errors last minute i realized it’s probably a bit too dialogue heavy in some places, so sorry if that’s bothering haha. i already got some ideas for the next chapter, so i’ll probably update it again sometime soon!</p><p>(PS i know this should technically be chapter one since the previous one was the prologue but i want the numbers to match up all nicely lol)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Benrey, who now apparently lives here, bonds with Gordon over videogames.</p><p>Gordon finally takes a day to chill, Benrey briefly takes care of Joshua, and Joshua just. sleeps a lot.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>ayoo wus poppin fellas. we back again. so, like, these chapters just keep getting longer huh. sorry for that, i’ll try my best to keep the length more consistent in the future. also i still have no idea where i’m going with this &lt;3 but honestly at this point i’m just writing it bc i enjoy doin it.</p><p>sooo anyways enjoy this chapter!! this is a threat</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Gordon, just having put Joshua to sleep, walked back into the living room, very noticeably looking exhausted. The effects of the coffee he had a few hours ago had worn off by now, so he figured he’d make some more.</p><p>He wandered into the kitchen to prepare some. It was only when he turned around to head to the living room, full coffee mug in hand, that he remembered Benrey was there. How he had missed their presence before was beyond him.</p><p>It was at that point that he noticed they were sitting unusually idly on the couch, the TV in front of him only displaying the Switch’s home screen. The lack of video game noises coming out of the speakers felt...uncomfortable to him, for some reason.</p><p>Gordon sluggishly walked over and joined them on the couch. Benrey jolted just a little bit at the sudden addition of his weight on the sofa. They were zoning out for a while, but this seemed to have snapped them out of it.</p><p>“So, uh, what are playing you right now, huh?” Gordon asked, mockingly.</p><p>“yeah so uh—i’m playing this new and epic game right now, it’s uh, it’s called ‘looking at my cringe roommate’s fail play time’.” They selected Gordon’s profile and went on to check the ‘Play Activity’ tab.</p><p>Gordon was resisting the urge to yank the controller out of their hands, but he was still holding his now half empty coffee mug, so he decided against it.</p><p>“wooow, only 15 hours on Mario Kart? rookie numbers man. did you get this thing like a week ago or are you, like, a fake gamer or something?”</p><p>“I’ve had it for a few months now, I just don’t have a lot of time to play because of work, Joshua, and, well—“</p><p>“yeah, whatever,” Benrey felt a rant of his coming up, so they quickly interrupted him, “we gotta get those numbers up, bro. wanna do some multiplayer?” Those words were said with a tinge of sincerity Gordon had never before heard from them. Something about their demeanor at the moment made it impossible to say no.</p><p>Benrey booted up Mario Kart, and held a controller out for Gordon while waiting for the game to load. He had just finished his coffee, so he took the controller from their hand after setting down the mug. He looked at the screen with an intense gaze, which Benrey noticed. They had only ever seen him make this face when faced with a stressful situation back in Black Mesa. Was he...nervous?</p><p>For the first few games, Gordon kept ending up in either last or nearly last place, while Benrey was consistently the first to clear the course. When they had to wait for Gordon to complete all three laps during their sixth game or so, they glanced over at his controller, and they almost immediately noticed the issue. Gordon’s prosthetic had a peculiar grip on the joy con. It was resting all the way down in his palm, and while it did allow him to push all the necessary buttons, it didn’t grant him a very sturdy hold. He constantly fell off the edge due to poor steering, but now they knew why.</p><p>In the middle of the game, Benrey grabbed ahold of his hands and swiftly but gently put them in the proper position. Gordon was surprised at the sudden touch.</p><p>“look you—you’re gonna keep messing up if you hold it like that, look, you need to, like—like that.”</p><p>Hands now gripping the controllers properly, Gordon almost magically started performing much better. Though the CPUs had already gotten a head start, he still managed to end up in eighth place, a new record for him during this session.</p><p>The next few games went swimmingly as well, Benrey still kept getting first place, but Gordon was getting there too. Sixth place, fourth place, third place, then second place. He was getting dangerously close to beating them, and they knew something had to be done about it.</p><p>Halfway through their second lap—with Gordon following them closely behind—Benrey turned towards him, inching closer. Despite the fact that their attention was no longer on the screen, they were still turning and drifting with near perfection. Gordon seemed to not have noticed their movements, as he was utterly caught by surprise as the sound of a chaotic melody rapidly shifting in pitch filled his ears while his eyesight was simultaneously blocked by a colorful array of floating orbs. He couldn’t hear or see anything but the Black Mesa Sweet Voice, and needless to say it made him perform very poorly in-game. Benrey, still using the Sweet Voice, could faintly hear the sound of Gordon’s character constantly bumping into walls.</p><p>Gordon, though frustrated, couldn’t help but laugh at their cheap tactics they used to stop him from winning. Maybe it was the fact that Benrey actually feared that he was going to beat them at this game which made him chuckle so, though perhaps they were just looking for an excuse to pester him.</p><p>“Dude I—stop it man! You’re—you’re going to make me end up—end up in last place again!” The random outbursts of uncontrollable laughter that left his mouth while speaking certainly made it sound like whining more than anything else. But while Gordon was talking—mostly laughing, honestly—the color of the orbs coming from Benrey’s mouth starkly changed from a fast-paced shift between quite literally every shade imaginable to a solid, unchanging red-pinkish hue. As soon as they noticed this they closed their mouth shut, preventing any more from slipping out. They almost instantly turned back to face the screen, hoping their still laughing roommate wouldn’t notice the change in the hue on their face either.</p><p>Luckily, they managed to get almost a full lap ahead of Gordon thanks to their distraction, so this would be an easy win for sure. As his laughter died down, Gordon noticed Benrey had already crossed the finish line.</p><p>“Man, <em>fuck you,</em> dude.” He said, a few chuckles still escaping his mouth.</p><p>Benrey couldn’t manage to let out anything other than a childish sounding laugh. They watched him slowly but surely finish the course as well, letting out a sigh as he did so. He glanced at the clock on the wall before him.</p><p>“Wow, we’ve been playing for...quite a while. You want me to grab some leftovers for lunch real quick?”</p><p>“brooo, cringe ass can’t even prepare his own meal? lil baby man has to grab some leftovers? unepic dude.”</p><p>“C’mon man. It’s not like you’ve ever helped me out with this anyway.” Gordon pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. “So do you want any or not?”</p><p>“well, like, sure, i guess. if you insist. gotta get that gamer juice flowing again somehow.”</p><p>“Don’t <em>ever</em> say that again.”</p><p>Gordon, after letting out a long sigh, walked over to Joshua’s room to wake him up for lunch, then carried him into the kitchen. He started to grab some leftovers for Benrey and himself. For Joshua, however, he was quick to prepare a small meal, consisting of a  sandwich cut into little bite-sized pieces, along with some carrot sticks. Compared to what he had made for himself, it was clear to see he cared more about his son’s diet than his own.</p><p>Benrey bit into one of the stale glazed donuts, chewing unintentionally slowly as they watched Gordon yet again carefully feed his son the snacks he made for him, bite by bite. They definitely didn’t want to be caught staring at him like that, but the sight mesmerized them. Were they just...fascinated by it, due to their lack of experience with children? Or were they perhaps jealous that they didn’t get the same amount of attention from him? They were too ashamed to admit to themselves that it was the latter, condemning the very idea in their mind. They looked down at their plate and continued eating in silence.</p><p>After this quick meal, Benrey immediately invited Gordon back on the couch to game some more. On any other day, he would’ve said no. But he was just...too tired to reject their offer. He didn’t have anything better to do anyway. This day had been way too odd so far already, so, fuck it, why not.</p><p>Still carrying Joshua, he plopped down on the couch and grabbed his controller from the coffee table after putting his son down on the carpet next to some of his toys.</p><p>“So what’re we playing?”</p><p> </p><p>They played a variety of games throughout the afternoon. They kicked their session off with some fierce and cut-throat games of Smash, Gordon losing consecutively, and then moved on to some laid-back, yet still competitive rounds of Mario Party. Despite the fact that Gordon had very little experience with the console itself—and the fact that he was abysmal compared to his roommate—he had a very expansive list of games on the thing.</p><p>They then moved on to play some Animal Crossing. After Benrey had gotten his own tent on Gordon’s island, uncreatively named ‘Lambdaland’—what a nerd, they thought—they proceeded to chose around and hit Gordon with their net almost the entire time they played together. They let out a brief chuckle every time they hit him successfully, and despite what Gordon himself had expected, he wasn’t actually that annoyed by it. Their genuine laugh, though a bit weird sounding, was surprisingly nice on his ears.</p><p>Time went by faster than expected, and Gordon soon noticed that it was getting late again.</p><p>“Oh, uh, wow, is it—is it that late already? I really need to start making dinner right about now. So, I’m gonna quit now, but uh—feel free to continue playing.” Gordon placed his controller down and stood up. “Oh, and don’t steal any of my stuff, alright?”</p><p>“i dunno man, might mess around and uh, take some of your iron nugg—“</p><p>“Don’t even think about it.”</p><p>“chill bro i was just pranking you bro. just joshin’. dang.”</p><p>“Oh, right, speaking of ‘joshing’, actually...could you take care of Joshua for me while I whip something up real quick?”</p><p>Benrey tensed up, aware that they weren’t qualified for such a task. Yet they still responded with a quiet “sure”.</p><p>Gordon was off to the kitchen, leaving Benrey alone with Joshua. They didn’t really know what to do, so they just continued playing the game. Joshua, however, kept tapping their leg with an increasing frequency.</p><p>“yo, like, what’s uh, what’s going on, lil man?”</p><p>“Benny!” Joshua simply exclaimed. Though his words were a bit slurred occasionally, it was clear that he was saying their name.</p><p>The child stuck both of his hands towards them. Unsure what to do, Benrey just gave them a double high-five. Joshua didn’t move an inch, nor did he say a word. He still had an excited expression on his face, hands remaining in the air.</p><p>“Benny! Up!”</p><p>Benrey stayed confused for a moment, thinking about what he said and what it meant, but eventually caught on. They paused the game, laying down the controller, and picked up Joshua before setting him down on their lap. He smiled, seeming satisfied. Looking down at the little guy, Benrey could recognize some of Gordon’s facial features in him. He was like, a smaller version of him. Not as in a clone or something, they looked very similar, but still distinct. It was an indescribable sight to them, and it filled their heart with a feeling they were unable to identify. Eventually, Joshua started clutching their hoodie and laying down, closing his eyes.</p><p>It was a serene and peaceful moment, and Benrey themselves felt like they were drifting off to sleep for a bit, before being disturbed by Gordon’s yelling.</p><p>“Hey, Benrey, dinner’s ready! Could you take Josh—oh. Sorry.”</p><p>He had noticed just then that Joshua had fallen asleep, and Benrey almost. His yelling had definitely awoken the both of them, though.</p><p>“wooow that was real stupid of you. boooooo—“</p><p>“Dude I—I already said sorry, okay? Just—come over here and take Joshie with you.”</p><p>While eating, Benrey was still overwhelmed with both tiredness and that...indescribable feeling from before. The soup Gordon had made for them—a smaller portion for Joshua, of course—tasted great. But they weren’t in the right mood to enjoy it to its fullest. They didn’t dare to look at Gordon, showering his son with love, out of fear that that...feeling would get worse. It was a bubbly and light feeling, but at the same time it made them feel like they were being choked, so they wanted to avoid it.</p><p>As soon as Benrey was done eating, they made a beeline back to the couch without even bothering to say a word to either of the other two. They just went straight back to gaming.</p><p>What felt like mere seconds to them had passed, and Gordon sat down in an armchair next to the sofa. He was reading a book, while Benrey was playing a game they weren’t even paying attention to. Hell, they didn’t even know what game it was. They were thinking about other things. About what happened today. Breakfast, lunch, dinner and everything in-between. About the nights before they’d spent at Tommy’s house, and the few hours they spent lying on the pavement outside, trying to sleep. How Gordon, despite being such a cringe and fail lameass, was kind enough to just let them stay here, despite everything that had happened between them. But then they just kept thinking about Gordon. Why couldn’t they stop thinking about—</p><p>They almost reflectively closed the game, the TV now displaying the home screen. They put the joycons down on the coffee table, then they proceeded to turn to lie on their back, looking at the ceiling. Why couldn’t they stop thinking about him? <em>Why?</em></p><p>They repeated this question in their mind as their thoughts started to feel fuzzy and clouded as their eyelids got heavier. It didn’t take very long before they were completely out like a light. And it didn’t take Gordon long before he’d noticed Benrey’s eyes were closed and they had fallen asleep.</p><p>Gordon didn’t want to wake Benrey up by carrying him to the guest bedroom, so instead he had grabbed a blanket for them. When he returned to the living room he saw that Benrey’s limbs were now unceremoniously sprawled out over the couch. Gordon did manage to cover them with the blanket, however. Looking at them, he noticed that they were still wearing their helmet. He didn’t dare to touch it, but he spotted a strand of thick, black hair sticking out of it on the side of their face. As he used his left hand—his non-prosthetic one—to tuck it back into their helmet, meanwhile resisting the urge to fidget with it because of its shockingly soft texture, he could swear he saw the slightest change in their expression. A small, barely noticeable smile had spread across their face. Gordon smiled in return.</p><p>“G’night, Benrey.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hope you enjoyed reading it! as per usual, i’ve already got some ideas for future chapters in the works but it might take me a lil longer to update as i’m currently little a wrapped up in various assignments. i might shit out a oneshot or something in the meantime, but who knows. i’ll definitely be back, though!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Benrey wakes and is greeted with a small (and accidental) surprise.</p><p>Also a lil text fic with the science team ... as a treat ...</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>shorter chapter fo today ... ft me projecting and text fic bc i uh. just got carried away ig and i thought it would be cute.</p><p>ngl the whole uh. situation w the weird hlvrai fics on here kinda discouraged me from writing for a bit which is why it took me longer to write this, so sorry for the wait. but we’re back now wooo</p><p>i also have a tumblr now sorta. i’m not posting any fanart or anything yet rn but i am reblogging hlvrai and miscellaneous “Haha” or “Funny” things. might post things like fic updates once i get some followers and it doesn’t feel like i’m talking to a brick wall when posting who knows. i’ll include a link to it in my profile if you’re interested (and once i figure out how to link my tumblr on here oop).</p><p>anyway!! enough rambling from me! hope you enjoy reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Benrey was starting to wake up, but they refused to open their eyes for a moment. As their senses returned to them, they noticed the warmth of the blanket encasing them. They definitely didn’t put that there themselves. Their thoughts were still hazy as they desperately tried to recall the pleasant dream they had. They slowly opened their eyes when their efforts to do so proved futile. Although their eyesight was clouded, the presence of another was unmistakeable. </p><p>For whatever reason, it seemed like Gordon had fallen asleep as well. Though still seated in an armchair next to the couch Benrey had been resting on, his face was lying on said couch’s armrest. His right hand was currently the only thing between their faces, aside from a few inches of air. Benrey flinched at the realization, but they were far too tired to actually move away from him. (It’s not like they wanted to, anyway.)</p><p>Instead, they were just... looking at Gordon. Their eyesight started clearing up, and now they could confirm that he was, in fact, still asleep. Though his expression seemed neutral, he also seemed quite peaceful. Perhaps he was having a good dream, Benrey thought. They recalled all the times they had to keep watch when the others were sleeping back in Black Mesa. It didn’t seem like he had the best dreams back then. Granted, the conditions there weren’t exactly fit for a good night’s rest. But the sight of Gordon sleeping contently was a new one for them, and it was mesmerizing.</p><p>It took a while for them to register when Gordon had opened his eyes as well. They wanted to avert their eyes, but some mystical force left them paralyzed. Gordon looked visibly tired, eyes still squinted. Once he focused them, he immediately gasped and bolted back into his chair out of shock. Benrey, eyes now widened, remained motionless as they followed his movements. Gordon looked at them for a split second before shifting his gaze elsewhere.</p><p>“Jesus, man. I- I am <em>so</em> sorry for...that. I was-I was just tired last night because, well, you know how it is, and I—sorry. God, I—wow, that was real stupid of me, huh? Just, invading your personal space and everything.” Gordon let out a long sigh.</p><p>“nah it’s uh, it’s fine man. gordon...gordon fine man.” They coughed. <em>Why the fuck did they say that.</em> “it’s uh—we all gotta sleep sometimes, you know? get-get good sleep. did you good sleep? because i sure did.” That slip-up made them subconsciously talk a lot faster, hoping Gordon hadn’t noticed it.</p><p>“...Yeah, I guess. Better than most days, at least.”</p><p>Benrey was resisting the urge to make some semi-flirty comment on how they should sleep together like this more often if that was truly the case, out of fear that they would turn into a stuttering mess.</p><p>“that’s good. big good. great.”</p><p>A silence fell between them, but Benrey couldn’t pinpoint if it was a comfortable one or not. Gordon adjusted himself to be seated more firmly in his armchair, meanwhile Benrey still hadn’t moved one inch.</p><p>“...i thought you would, like, get mad at me or something.”</p><p>Gordon looked down at Benrey, confused.</p><p>“Get mad at you for what?”</p><p>“sleepin on your couch, bro.”</p><p>“I don’t—<em>why</em> would I get mad at you for that?”</p><p>“i dunno you—you get mad at me a lot. thought you would get mad at me again, cuz i like, did something stupid.”</p><p>Gordon looked up for a bit, seemingly deep in thought, before responding.</p><p>“Well, for the record, I am <em>not</em> mad at you. I think—I think I was the one who slipped up here, honestly. And I—I’m sorry if I got...irrationally angry at you in the past when I-I should’ve been clearer. And nicer. In hindsight. Sorry. I <em>promise</em> I’ll be nicer to you, okay?”</p><p>Gordon hadn’t really thought too much about his words. He just hoped that by telling Benrey that he was going to treat them better, they would do the same in return. Wishful thinking, maybe, but since they’re sort of living with him now, might as well make it enjoyable.</p><p>“okay. i’ll be, uh, a better. n-nice. to you too. i’ll try, i mean. can’t—no guarantees.”</p><p>Gordon chuckled. It was was a rare sight to see Benrey speak this awkwardly yet genuinely. He hoped that they would follow up on their words. Benrey, on the other hand, was pretty sure they were going to implode of they had to talk for any longer. They kept fumbling with their words, and they desperately hoped Gordon hadn’t caught on to how nervous they are.</p><p>Gordon turned to look at the curtains covering the windows of the living room. There were a few gentle beams of light shining through at the top, making him realize that it was morning already. He stood up to grab his phone off the table where it had been charging, and checked the time.</p><p>
  <strong>8:52 AM</strong>
</p><p>Yeah, that was definitely a better night of rest than the usual.</p><p>He figured he should start preparing some breakfast soon, but not before scrolling through some notifications. While checking them, he noticed he had received some messages from “the Science Team groupchat”, to which he was added a few hours ago. In the groupchat were Tommy, Bubby and Dr. Coomer. From what he could gather, they were planning to meet up at some cafe today to catch up. He probably had nothing better to do, so he sent a message telling the others he would be able to make it.</p><p>After mere seconds, Tommy responded.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>[Tommy Coolatta]<br/>
That’s great! :)</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>[Tommy Coolatta]<br/>
Do any of you have Benrey’s number, by the way? I wanted to add them to this group as well, but I just realized I forgot to ask them for it :(</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>[Gordon Freeman]<br/>
They’re with me right now, I’ll add them in a bit.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>[Tommy Coolatta]<br/>
Really? Thank you! :D</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>[Bubby]<br/>
Hang On , That bastards’ living with you ?what has gotten into you ..</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Gordon chuckled, both at Bubby’s comment and his horrible typing.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>[Gordon Freeman]<br/>
I’ll explain it later, I think. In all honesty, I don’t know how it has gotten to this point either haha</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>“what’re you laughing at bro? care to share it with your friend Benrey?”</p><p>Gordon looked over to Benrey. They were now sitting upright on the couch, though the blanket was still wrapped around them.</p><p>“Uh, well, actually, can I have your number real quick?”</p><p>Benrey grinned.</p><p>“bro, you flirting with me or something? tryna be smooth n shit?”</p><p>“Not like that, you-you idiot. To add you to this groupchat with the science team.”</p><p>“oh yeah sure. gimme your phone. i’ll uh, put me in your. contacts.”</p><p>Gordon did as Benrey asked, and walked over to them to hand them his phone. He peered over their shoulder, keeping a close eye to make sure they weren’t snooping. They opened his contact list and added their phone number in, along with the name “Benrey” surrounded by blue heart emojis. Gordon chuckled, but before he could comment on it, Benrey had already clicked “confirm” and handed him back his phone. He could just edit the name right now, but for whatever reason he didn’t. He just added them to the group, and soon he could hear Benrey’s phone go off in their pocket.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>[💙Benrey💙 has been added to this group]</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>[💙Benrey💙]<br/>
sup</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>[Tommy Coolatta]<br/>
Hey Benrey! Maybe Gordon has already filled you in, but would you like to join us later today? You can read the messages above for more info, but we would love to see you there :)</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>[💙Benrey💙]<br/>
sure sounds cool</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>[Dr. Coomer]<br/>
Hello, Benrey! It’s good to hear from you again.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>[Bubby]<br/>
I thought  we f@&amp;#*cked you up for good  .. How are you still olive? ?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>[Bubby]<br/>
Alive</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Benrey proceeded to explain the whole “respawn” thing to the others. Gordon still didn’t understand it, and he turned off his phone after Benrey had sent 5 long messages or so trying to explain it.</p><p>“Hey, so I’m gonna make some breakfast real quick. Could you maybe wake Joshua up once you’re done with...whatever it is you’re doing?”</p><p>Benrey paused their typing for a bit, gathering their thoughts.</p><p>“uh...you sure? i’m not very good with...small. people.”</p><p>“I’m sure you’ll do just fine. I think he likes you, actually.”</p><p>“damn. for real?”</p><p>“Yeah. He was looking at you all the time yesterday.”</p><p>“oh. awesome...sauce. epic. i’ll uh. yeah i’ll get to it in a bit. might make him cry tho.”</p><p>“I’ll be able to handle it, as long as you don’t do it <em>on purpose</em>.”</p><p>Benrey resumed their typing, but their thoughts were all over the place due to the fact that Gordon actually trusted them with his son. It was nothing big, of course, but it still made them feel inexplicably happy. They quickly wrapped up their message to the group before typing up a quick “gtg” and practically sprinting towards Joshua’s room.</p><p>Gordon laughed at the sight, before returning his focus to making breakfast. Things have been going pretty well with Benrey so far. Nothing catastrophically bad has happened, <em>yet</em>, so that was a plus at least. If he was being honest with himself, it’s quite useful to have another pair of hands to help him out in his day-to-day life. Even if Benrey wasn’t very...experienced. He never thought he’d see the day he’d actually be <em>grateful</em> for their company. Well, at least he’s still grateful for it <em>right now</em>, but who knows where it would lead him.</p><p>Either way, he was going to make the most of it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>(HC: bubby is grandpa who has never touched an “Internet” b4 in his life which is why his typing skills suck so bad lol)</p><p>hope you enjoyed reading it! kudos and comments are always appreciated! &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Gordon and Benrey head into town to catch up with the others woooo !! i’m basically just out here forcing my post-canon HCs into this fic &lt;3</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>sorry for the long wait im a lil low on inspo rn hhh.... got a really great idea for a chapter tho but it has to wait until later in this fic otherwise the pacing would get a lil fucky. then again who cares this fic is already a mess but i still love writing for it !!! this chapter is a lil dialogue heavy in some places and is generally just a bit sloppy cuz i wrote like 80% of this while i was sleep deprived srry hsgshshg... it’s also my first time actually writing tommy, bubby, and dr coomer (non textfic) so their characters might be a lil off hh ...hope u still enjoy reading it thoo &lt;33 im gonna sleep now</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A certain amount of time which had felt like nothing to Benrey had passed, and before they knew it, they were sitting in the car. Gordon was going to drop off Joshua at what they had been told was his older brother’s place. He had explained to them earlier that his son was allowed to stay there when he went to work. From the way he described his brother, Benrey could only assume the two had a good relationship. The trip to his house didn’t take too long—their respective houses weren’t far away from each other, a testament to their closeness—but Gordon still had the time to tell some stories about him. It seemed like he trusted his brother deeply, it was no wonder that he was his go-to babysitter. Realizing that Gordon obviously didn’t just let anyone take care of his kid, Benrey was grateful that he confided in them to let them play with Joshua, although mostly unintentionally.</p><p>When they arrived, Gordon asked them to stay in the car. </p><p>“I haven’t told my brother about...a lot of things yet, and I don’t want to raise any questions right now.” </p><p>To his relief, they didn’t take it the wrong way. In fact, Benrey playfully jabbed at him with a joke along the lines of “oh, you haven’t come out to him yet?” which sent Gordon into a fit of laughter.</p><p>“No, no, he, uh, he knows I’m bi already.” A few chuckles managed to slip out while he was talking.</p><p>Benrey <em>didn’t</em> know that. <em>Does that mean they actually...have a chance with him?</em> They could feel their face heat up slightly, unsure if it was caused by this newfound knowledge or the sound of Gordon’s joyous laughter.</p><p>“I was uh, mostly referring to everything that happened at Black Mesa. Haven’t had the chance to tell him about it. Not even sure if...if I’m legally allowed to, actually. I’ve probably told you before but I <em>really</em> needed that hush money. Maybe I could tell him, and just, uh, just ask him to not tell anyone, I suppose. I don’t think he <em>would</em> if I asked him to, y’know? Either way, now’s not the time for all of that. I should tell him about it soon, though. It doesn’t feel right to just...hide shit like that from him.”</p><p>Benrey, who was currently sitting in the back as Joshua was occupying the other front seat, struggled to read Gordon’s expression from their seat as a silence fell between them.</p><p>“....Ah, sorry for rambling so much. I’ll drop off Joshie real quick. You can take the shotgun seat if you’d like.”</p><p>They merely nodded and watch him step out of the car, carrying Joshua with him. They barely managed to wiggle past the two front seats and proceeded to seat themselves on the one Gordon’s son had occupied just a moment ago, as they were both too stubborn and too lazy to get out of the car. Looking out the window next to them, they spotted what seemed to be Gordon’s brother standing in the door opening. He just about matched his description of him. He was noticeably taller than the other man, but it didn’t make him look menacing. In fact, something about his general posture gave off something kind and inviting. They seemed to be making some smalltalk, though Benrey obviously couldn’t make out what they were saying behind such a thick layer of glass. As either of the two laughed occasionally, they couldn’t help but absentmindedly stare.</p><p>Benrey hadn’t noticed Gordon was walking back towards the car until he had opened the car door to the empty front seat, which almost immediately snapped them out of their thoughts, gasping audibly.</p><p>“Hey Benrey, you doin’ alright?”</p><p>“y-yeah i uh...i was just thinking about. thoughts.”</p><p>“I, uh, didn’t mean to scare you or anything. Sorry.”</p><p>“nah ‘s fine. don’t uh. don’t worry about it. we should go to that cafe cuz uh, i think the others are waiting for us.”</p><p>Gordon briefly tried in vain to read Benrey’s face in an attempt to see if something was up with them, and then responded.</p><p>“You’re right. I’ll pull up the address real quick. I think I’ve got it here somewhere...”</p><p>~~~~~~~~</p><p>After a short, mostly silent car ride, the two of them had managed to make their way towards the general area near the cafe. As they walked, Gordon checked his phone and noticed they were running a bit late. They had planned to meet up at around 11:15 AM, but it was currently 11:27 AM. At the realization of this, Gordon gently tugged at Benrey’s arm to convey to them that they had to hurry up. Though taken by surprise at the sudden touch, they obliged and quickened their pace in the hopes that they would arrive sooner. After turning a few more corners, they noticed some familiar faces sitting around a table outside. They appeared to already be in a conversation, as Bubby was speaking and the others were attentively listening.</p><p>“...but then I managed to get away with the money just in time after kicking that guy in the face!”</p><p>“That’s my husband! I’m so proud of you, Bubby!”</p><p>“Um...that’s great, Dr. Bubby...but I think stealing is actually...illegal?”</p><p>“Laws are merely a suggestion.”</p><p>Gordon and Benrey walked up to the other 3–well, 4 if you were to count Sunkist—and took a seat around the table as well. Gordon’s face carried a shocked expression after hearing that part of the exchange, though Benrey seemed mostly unfazed. He decided to not question it for now—after all, it’s Bubby we’re talking about—and he relaxed his face to properly join the conversation.</p><p>“Hey guys, what’s up?”</p><p>“Oh, Mr. Freeman, Benrey, it’s so good to see you again!” Tommy cheerfully replied.</p><p>“Hello, Gordon! Hello, Benrey! It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” Dr. Coomer chimed in.</p><p>“Care to explain why the two of you are this late?” Bubby’s tone wasn’t quite as friendly as the others’.</p><p>“Gordon had to drop off his cringe baby at his fail brother’s house.”</p><p>“Well, uh, yeah, what Benrey said. Aside from the “cringe” and “fail” part, of course. I figured we might be gone for a while, so I just wanted to make sure he’d still be taken care of. So...yeah, uh, sorry for being late.”</p><p>“It’s quite alright, Gordon. You sound like a responsible parent!” Coomer said, in his usual uplifting voice.</p><p>“Well, I’ve been trying to be. I don’t think I did a very good job before...the whole incident, you know. I’ve been...been wanting to improve on that, and I feel like it has been working out. I, uh, hope so, at least. On that subject, how has life been for you guys since then?”</p><p>“Oh, it’s been great for me!” Tommy was the first to respond, his face lighting up at the question. “I went back to living with my dad, and I get to see Sunkist a lot again! I really missed him when we were at work.” He briefly stopped talking to pet Sunkist. “Speaking of which, I have a job now at the mixology department of this one company along with Darnold! He does most of the actual work though. He gets to make all these changes to drinks, and sometimes even entirely new ones! I mostly have to do paperwork... I’m a little jealous to be honest, but I’m also very happy for him, as he seems to really enjoy his job!”</p><p>“That sounds great, Tommy.” Gordon said, both overwhelmed and pleased by Tommy’s enthusiastic tone.</p><p>“Great indeed!” Dr. Coomer joined in. “If I may, the past few months after the Resonance Cascade have been treating us well. We have found a place together at last, and aside from an occasional attempt at arson from Bubby, the days have been peaceful. Neither of us are working currently, we’re practically retired and the hush money alone is more than enough for us. Bubsy-wubsy over here is not always feeling quite satisfied with it, though, as you may have picked up on.” He chuckled softly. Bubby was grinning, visibly proud of his achievements, and equally as happy that Coomer had acknowledged them.</p><p>“I-I don’t know if you should, uh, be talking about this in public. Someone might overhear you, y’know? Just a suggestion.” Gordon added.</p><p>“As if those damned pigs could catch *this*.” Bubby gleefully pointed towards himself, still grinning. The others at the table shared a moment of laughter. After said laughter had died down, Tommy carried on with their conversation.</p><p>“So, Benrey, what have you been doing? You live with Gordon now, right?”</p><p>The feeling of suddenly having all attention drawn to them combined with the way he had phrased the question made it a challenge for them to not start stuttering when responding.</p><p>“Uh, I—y-yeah I guess you could uh... you could say that.”</p><p>A short silence fell, and having noticed that Benrey had some trouble speaking right now, Gordon started talking in their stead.</p><p>“Yeah, they basically just showed up at my door yesterday and asked me if they could stay at my place. It was very early in the morning and, I-I was so sleep deprived that I actually said yes.” Gordon chuckled to himself. “I mean, uh, I can’t complain too much, I suppose. It’s been fine so far.” He looked over to Benrey and flashed them a small smile. They looked surprised for a brief moment, but then smiled back at him.</p><p>“it’s uh. yeah. it’s cool. Joshua looks even more shit in real life though.” Benrey responded, incapable of being genuine at this moment.</p><p>“Rude.” Gordon simply said, before continuing to talk to the others. Benrey had expected that would get more of a rise out of him than it did. Compared to his frequent outbursts at Black Mesa—often caused by them saying something incomprehensible or flat-out mean—he had practically dismissed their words. Was he perhaps a wildly different person outside of his work? Or had he merely gotten used to Benrey’s shenanigans? There was so much they didn’t yet know about him. These thoughts kept plaguing their mind as they listened to the others exchange stories.</p><p>The conversation kept flowing, maintaining a fun and light-hearted tone throughout. In the meanwhile they had all ordered something to eat and drink for lunch. The food wasn’t anything to write home about, but the coffee there was astoundingly good. At least compared to whatever cheap coffee Gordon could prepare at his house. The few hours they had spent here together were a refreshing change of pace for him. Quite relaxing, even. It was reassuring for him to see that all the others were doing fine, even after everything that went down. Eventually though, at around 2 PM, they started wrapping everything up and parted ways. Before doing so, however, they all made a mutual promise to meet up again sometime soon.</p><p>Gordon and Benrey were preparing to go back home as well, but Gordon had noticed that the other had been a bit...quiet today. He wouldn’t know what to call it,—instinct, maybe—but something convinced him to spend some more time here with them.</p><p>“Hey, uh, I totally get it if you’d want to head back now, but uh, maybe we could just walk around? You seem a bit...out of it today, and I figured maybe it would, uh, cheer you up or something. We could do some shopping, talk for a bit, y’know? Whatever you feel like.”</p><p>Benrey was caught off guard by this notion, though it’s needless to say they accepted.</p><p>“sure, uh. sounds. great cool.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thank you so much for reading! kudos and comments are always appreciated!</p><p>also, my tumblr (@boxyrr) is now fully up n running! i post fic updates, the occasional fanart, though i mostly just reblog hlvrai and a few other unrelated things. feel free to follow me on there if you want to !! much love &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>ahaha yoo wyd if we were playing ddr...and u tripped...and i had to catch u...ahhaha like what would u do lol...</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a bit cloudy outside, the early afternoon sun breaking through every so often. The temperature was ideal for a bit of walking around and shopping. Gordon knew their way around this small city, and would occasionally point out some particularly interesting spots to his roommate, such as the colorful flowerbed in the centre of the town, or some quaint-looking restaurant. This town, although rather tiny, had a certain air of serenity about it. It was unfamiliar to Benrey. It still struck them as comfortable, however, like being wrapped in a warm hug. It was a weird feeling, but, it felt like home to them. Maybe it was because they were with Gordon, though, who was currently still explaining away, rambling on and on about almost every shop they passed by. Benrey didn’t mind, obviously. His voice was pleasant to listen to. </p>
<p>It was as they were walking, Benrey occasionally looking over to the still talking Gordon to admire the way the sunlight perfectly complimented the darker hue of his skin, that they realized they haven’t said a single word since the others had left. They had just been nodding every now and then. Feeling awkward about this, Benrey waited for the other to finish his sentence to speak up.</p>
<p>“so uh. shall we do some shopping. grocery shopping or something?”</p>
<p>“Oh! I— Right, yeah. Thanks for reminding me, actually. We’re running a little low on coffee beans, <em>again</em>, and we need some things for dinner tonight, too. Well, maybe we’ll just get some takeout. I’m feeling a little lazy today, to be real with you.” Gordon let out a bubbly chuckle, which Benrey couldn’t help but return. “Either way, we’ve got some shopping to do.”</p>
<p>They proceeded to buy a variety of food items at a small, nearby supermarket, among which were some chips and some flavor of mountain dew Gordon has never heard of, because Benrey insisted. By this point he knew that arguing over things like this would be futile on his end, so he went and bought it with little hesitation. He did end up having them carry around the shopping bag, as a petty revenge of sorts.</p>
<p>They had been walking around and conversing (though Gordon did most of the talking) for quite a while at that point already. The clouds in the sky had started to grow thicker, the sun was barely visible anymore. Benrey was about to suggest picking up Joshua and heading back home, when something caught their attention. As they stopped dead in their tracks, Gordon followed their gaze and noticed it as well.</p>
<p>“Oh yeah, I— uh, almost forgot to mention that. I don’t go here often, but there’s a small arcade hall on this side of town. I dunno if, uh—we could maybe, check it out, I suppose.”</p>
<p>Benrey looked quite obviously excited, but still tried to hide the fact that they were.</p>
<p>“uhh yeah sure. whatever.”</p>
<p>The arcade hall was spacious and dimly-lit, complimenting the dark wallpaper and soft flooring. The air was surprisingly fresh and chilly, but not uncomfortably so. Benrey dumped the bag of groceries in a corner next to the entrance and made a run for a particularly vintage-looking arcade cabinet that had caught their eye. Gordon let out a small laugh at their blunt behavior before taking off his jacket and throwing it in the same general direction as the bag. He walked towards them, remarking that this small building was mostly empty aside from maybe five or four other people, not including whoever ran this place. He reached into his pockets for any spare change, and handed a few quarters to Benrey, who let out a polite “thank you, sir” before inserting one of them.</p>
<p>Gordon had no idea what game this was, and the gameplay was very overwhelming for him, even though Benrey seemed to excel in it. From what he could pick up on, you had to shoot...something? They were vigorously tapping the machine’s buttons but he could see little to no correlation to what happened on the screen. All he could hear was a random jumble of beeps and boops and saw their score go up, so he figured they must be doing a good job.</p>
<p>Gordon didn’t know a lot about these types of older games. He grew up with a lot of different video games, but never <em>these</em> types of games, mostly PC and console. He used to play shooters and everything, but recently he has mostly been sticking to more casual ones. His prosthetic and the phantom sensation that comes along with it has proven to be quite a hurdle for him when doing pretty much any physical task. Most video games require a lot of precise movements, which he is at the moment incapable of. He’s sure he’ll get used to it one day, but for now...</p>
<p>“oh, crap.”</p>
<p>A short game-over ditty played as Benrey mashed the cabinet’s buttons in vain before letting out a deep sigh.</p>
<p>“that’s pretty sucks. wanna go play some other game?”</p>
<p>The way the question was worded implied they were going to play a game together. Now that he thought about it, he was pretty sure he had seen a DDR machine in this place somewhere.</p>
<p>“Sure, what about some DDR? I think the arcade machine was somewhere around the corner here.”</p>
<p>“oh. uh, sounds good. never played it before though. not really a...rhythm game person.”</p>
<p>“Don’t worry, I’ll go easy on you.” Gordon half-mocked and half-reassured them.</p>
<p>After having found the machine, he gave Benrey a basic run-down of the game and the way it works. They were a fast learner, and picked up on everything pretty quickly to Gordon’s surprise. Before even having actually played the game, however, they started making jokes and providing illogical arguments about how shit the game was, if purely to agitate the other. Once they began playing, though, they seemed to enjoy the game quite a bit from what Gordon could tell. They started off with some easy songs to have Benrey get used to the gameplay. It was a breeze for him, on the other hand, since he’s already had a lot of experience with this game. They started playing increasingly more difficult songs. Though Gordon had won every single time so far, Benrey seemed to have no issues adapting to the increase in difficulty. There were a few close calls, but he still remained victorious.</p>
<p>After about 5 songs or so, Benrey felt comfortable enough with the game and how it functions to up the ante. They searched for the most difficult song they could find and picked it, if only to see the horror on Gordon’s face as they did so. They looked over only to see that his reaction was one of determination. He seemed completely ready for it. So was Benrey, but moreso because they didn’t really care about winning at this point. They were already thankful that they were able to spend some quality time with him.</p>
<p>“You sure about this, man? It’s a pretty tough song, you’re gonna, like, suck <em>super</em> bad.” Gordon teased them.</p>
<p>“nah bro i got this. you better check these moves and take notes, feetman.” Benrey bantered in return.</p>
<p>The song wasted no time to show off how difficult it was, and the sudden influx of many arrows disorientated Benrey for a bit, though they eventually got into a state of flow. Gordon had almost no issues adjusting to the spike in difficulty, already taking the lead with very few slip-ups compared to the other.</p>
<p>About three quarters of the way through the song, however, there was a brief segment where about twice as many arrows popped up on the screen. Dead-set on not breaking his combo, Gordon braced himself to hit all of them. As he swiftly stepped from one of the arrows on the pads from the other with his right foot, he accidentally misstepped and tripped. Benrey caught on to this insanely fast, immediately stopped moving their legs and held out their hands so that they were prepared to catch him by the arms. Luckily they were successful in doing so, and they stared down at him as he was catching his breath, the song still continuing to play in the background. For a short moment neither of them could speak, Gordon because he was still trying to calm himself down, and Benrey because the whole situation had left them speechless. The feeling of holding onto his arms, the mere sight of him...they quickly attempted to gather their thoughts to make the situation less awkward.</p>
<p>“looks like uh. looks like you messed up there, didya? lil stupid. stupid baby man.”</p>
<p>“Shut up, dude. At least I <em>tried</em>.”</p>
<p>Gordon let out a short laugh, to which Benrey grinned in return. The song was already over by the time they had both recovered from what just happened.</p>
<p>“Look at your score! You missed so many damn arrows!”</p>
<p>“yeah that’s what happens when you uh, when your idiot friend messes up and you-you gotta help ‘em.”</p>
<p>Gordon sighed, releasing himself from Benrey’s grip and standing up.</p>
<p>“Well, for the record, I still beat you. Don’t forget that.”</p>
<p>“mlegh blegh whatever. game sucks anyway.”</p>
<p>Gordon let out a small chuckle before the two slipped into a comfortable silence. They were out of quarters, and figured it might be a good time to leave anyway. The arcade hall seemed even more empty than when they first came here, so it must be getting a bit late. They started walking towards the entrance to pick up their stuff and head out.</p>
<p>“Oh, right, uh, thanks for—thank you for helping me out back there. If I fell on my back or something that could’ve...that could’ve messed me up pretty bad. So, thanks.”</p>
<p>Benrey simply nodded in response, not wanting to draw attention to themselves, as the flush on their face would be a lot more visible in the natural light outside than in the arcade hall.</p>
<p>On their walk back, Benrey had convinced Gordon to order some takeout for dinner after walking by a fast food place that had grabbed their attention. Gordon, now walking with a plastic bag with fresh food in hand, was talking to Benrey, before asking them a question which he desperately hoped wouldn’t come off as intrusive to them.</p>
<p>“So, uh, correct me if I’m wrong here, but you’ve been acting...strange today. Is something up, man? You can always tell me if you want to talk about something.”</p>
<p>Benrey’s expression turned into one Gordon couldn’t read, and they looked down at the ground, still keeping up their walking pace.</p>
<p>“it’s uh. it’s a bit cringe of me but i’m uh. still trying to—still getting used to living. in like a house. i do like it but it feels. different. weird.”</p>
<p>“That’s fine, we all gotta get used to some things. That’s normal.”</p>
<p>Benrey took a deep breath, visibly reassured.</p>
<p>“i’m just worried that, uh. like, like, what happened at Tommy’s house. i don’t want to get ki—“</p>
<p>“I’m not gonna kick you out.” His tone was stern and serious. He usually spoke like this whenever he was threatening someone, but it came off as protective in this case. It made Benrey feel...safe.</p>
<p>“great. that’s uh, great. great cool great...job. nice.”</p>
<p>Benrey kept rambling on, repeating various phrases with words along the lines of “great” and “cool”, when Gordon grabbed ahold of one of their hands with his free, non-prosthetic hand, and gave it a gentle squeeze to calm their nerves. Benrey had noticed that he has a lot of these behaviors, many of which were reflexes he had developed when taking care of Joshua in order to have him be more quiet, cheer him up when he was crying, or, in this case, calm him down. It was like he did these things subconsciously, and it was a very endearing quirk to Benrey, especially when he overlooked the inherent intimacy of it in rare cases such as these. Needless to say, it worked like a charm.</p>
<p>The car ride home was a comfortable one, as the two were having a laid-back conversation, either of the two only talking occasionally. They drove by his brother’s house to pick up Joshua, Benrey still sitting in the car while Gordon had a brief conversation with him. They laughed a few times, and at one point Gordon made some apologetic-seeming gestures, though Benrey had no idea what was being said. Once he returned to the car, he had placed Joshua in Benrey’s care on their lap, with which neither of the two seemed to have an issue. In fact, Joshua seemed particularly happy to see them.</p>
<p>The beginning of the evening came and went. The takeout was good, but it had sadly already cooled down a little bit by the time they had arrived home. Joshua had a few snacks of his own and got treated with some of the leftovers.</p>
<p>Later into the evening Gordon started to notice that Benrey was getting tired. They had been playing with Joshua for a bit, but now they were just firmly sitting on the couch, involuntarily shutting their eyes every once in a while before suddenly opening them again.</p>
<p>“You OK? Looking a little...tired over there.”</p>
<p>Benrey took a while to respond.</p>
<p>“whuh? huh? me? nah i’m, uh, i’m fine.”</p>
<p>“No, you clearly aren’t. I—look, I’ll show you to the guest bedroom.”</p>
<p>“myeah okay whatever.”</p>
<p>Benrey groggily followed Gordon as he lead the way towards the room reserved for them. He opened the door to a neatly cleaned room with a single bed, a closet, and some other bedroom furniture. What mattered to them most right now, however, was that the bed looked remarkably cozy. Benrey practically leapt onto it, taking in the softness of the sheets, giving Gordon a small chuckle.</p>
<p>“I take it you’re fine with this room? If-if you need a, uh, a change of clothes, there’s some old pajama’s of mine in that closet over there. They might fit you, who knows. <em>We should go clothes shopping sometime, too, actually.</em>” Gordon said to himself.</p>
<p>“nah. ‘m good.” Benrey unexpectedly took off their helmet, resting it on the nightstand next to them. Several long and rough-looking strands of black hair tumbled down, all seamlessly falling into place like an organized mess. Something about the sight captivated Gordon. It looked really bad, sure. It probably hadn’t seen a shower in several weeks, <em>months</em>, maybe. But he had to actively fight the urge to start running his hand through it, or to grab a comb and brush it.</p>
<p>“I-I’m sorry, I’ve uh, I’ve never seen you without your helmet. I wouldn’t—I didn’t know you ever took it off.”</p>
<p>“i like wearing it, feels nice. feels good. but it’s hard to sleep when i’m wearing it.” Benrey spoke a lot more slowly than usual, a sign of their tiredness.</p>
<p>“Mm...yeah, I figured. Looks nice though. Your hair, I mean.”</p>
<p>“uh-huh, you too.” Benrey’s head was already resting on the pillow, their eyes closed shut.</p>
<p>Gordon didn’t know what they were referring to, but he figured it must have been a compliment. In return, and being unable to resist doing so, he ruffled their hair up a bit, only resulting in a low grumbling noise from the other. Gordon smiled, and walked to leave the room after a brief “goodnight, Benrey”.</p>
<p>Not long after, Benrey had fallen into a deep slumber, the most comfortable one for them in quite a while.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thank you so much for reading! comments and kudos are always appreciated &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>fellas, is it gay to wash your roommate’s hair?</p>
<p>Benrey pining and Gordon Dumb and Oblivious momence</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p><strong>TW: cutting</strong> (NOT self-harm, small, accidental cut, only briefly mentioned and p much immediately gets treated. i was unsure if i should even put a warning for this to begin with but better safe than sorry!)</p>
<p>have fun reading! &lt;3</p>
<p>edit: so i realized i was being DUMB and IDIOT and i accidentally uploaded an older version that didn’t have all the spelling mistakes/awkward sentences fished out yet SORRY! it’s edited w the correct version now. ao3 user Working On A Unified Theory STUPID momence..</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The past few days had been peaceful, to put it simply. They were both slowly getting accustomed to living together. Even though it was his house, Gordon was the one who needed to get used to it the most. This place hadn’t seen more than 2 inhabitants for quite a while now, and it shook him up ever so slightly. The most prominent issue for him was getting used to Benrey’s odd habits and routines. They would hog his computer all day, only playing games for as far as he could see. If he wasn’t gaming on there, he would be playing on Gordon’s switch or some other console that he distinctly doesn’t remember buying or owning. He didn’t question it too much, he knew they really liked games after all, and it wasn’t particularly bothersome to his daily life. What <em>was</em> bothersome, however, were some of his more...unusual behaviors.</p>
<p>For example, they would frequently leave their clothes (clean or not) all over the place after changing each morning. He had to admit that it was hilarious at moments to see whatever absurd place an article of clothing of theirs had found, but it was an absolutely chore to find all of their clothes when he actually needed to do the laundry. It was a search, a hunt, almost, and it always cost him way more time and energy than what should be necessary for such a task. On top of that, he noticed that some of his own clothes would go missing from time to time, only for them to magically re-appear whenever he was collecting all the clothes that need to be cleaned. He suspected it was Benrey’s doing, they were keen on messing around with him after all, but never bothered to ask them.</p>
<p>Sometimes he wondered why he even kept Benrey around. He knew he had promised them, and they weren’t planning on kicking them out anyway, but he wondered why. They had been nothing but a major pain in the ass to him during their time in Black Mesa. It cost him an arm, for God’s sake, which he was pretty sure they had only half-apologized for. Something about not knowing that human limbs don’t regrow. In hindsight, that may have been genuine, actually. Either way, he knew for sure that if he had been more strict—and wasn’t such a massive pushover—he would’ve kicked them out by now. Probably wouldn’t even let them stay in the first place. Even so, he’s somewhat glad he didn’t. It seemed to him that Benrey had changed pretty drastically for the better, and despite their odd behavior, they appear to have...warmed up to him a bit, for lack of better words.</p>
<p>A few days ago, when he was preparing dinner, he accidentally cut himself with a kitchen knife. To be fair, he had been quite careless and hadn’t gotten used to his prosthetic that much yet. In fact, he still isn’t. But Benrey heard him swear at himself in frustration and almost immediately came to his aid. They remained silent almost the entire time while treating the wound—which they knew how to do, for some reason—,handling it with an unusually high amount of care for someone like them. It surprised him to say the least, though he wasn’t ungrateful. The cut wasn’t deep by any means, so it didn’t take long to clean. The only time Benrey had spoken up was to ask him where the bandaids were, which they promptly grabbed one of after having received an answer, and gently put it on before giving it a kiss, smugly. Definitely not uncharacteristic for someone like them, but Gordon took this as clear proof that their behavior was improving at least somewhat. Perhaps this was their way of apologizing to him? It was always rather hard to tell with Benrey.</p>
<p>Another...unusual habit of theirs—if you could even call it that—was the fact that they never seemed to practice even the most basic of self-care. It was like a foreign concept to them, and Gordon was unsure if it was because they didn’t care about it or if they genuinely had no knowledge on the subject. He had already attempted to nudge them in the right direction. They had gone clothes shopping not too long ago, and Benrey had picked out the most gaudy and tasteless articles of clothing for themselves, probably on purpose. He constantly has to remind them to brush their teeth, too. Honestly, sometimes it feels like he’s raising <em>two</em> people in this house. It’s never been too bothersome for him, but lately Benrey has been wearing their helmet less—which he is thankful for, because from what he has been able to pick up, taking off their helmet is a sign that they’re able to let their guard down and are comfortable—, and underneath is, well, quite the mess, to put it lightly.</p>
<p>The smell wasn’t even the part that bothered him. In fact, it was barely noticeable. What bothered him was the way it <em>looked</em>. Long, unkempt streaks of hair draping across their face. It took him by surprise when he first saw it. So much so that he recalled it as a serene sight. But now he’s gotten somewhat used to it, and it appears more like an empty bird’s nest resting on their head. And is that some...gum in there? It better not be. The more he looked at it, the more compelled he felt to wash it, or at least comb it through. Would they let him? His compulsions got the better of him, so he asked.</p>
<p>“You mind if I, like, washed your hair?”</p>
<p>Benrey was sat on the couch, playing some games, not saying anything. Gordon was about to repeat himself when they responded abruptly.</p>
<p>“y’mean like. right now?”</p>
<p>“Uh, sure, if you want to.”</p>
<p>“aight sick,” Benrey saved their game before closing it. “i’ve always wanted to learn how to do this.”</p>
<p>Gordon really, <em>really</em> didn’t like that this implied they’ve never washed their own hair. But he was glad to show them, he supposed.</p>
<p>He found the largest bowl he owned and filled it up with mildly warm water before putting it down on the dinner table, gesturing for Benrey to sit down facing away from said table and put their hair in. It wasn’t ideal, but he couldn’t use the shower since that would make quite the mess with clothes on, and he didn’t want it to be awkward, of course. Benrey let out a surprised yet content gasp when their locks came in contact with the water, a feeling of relaxation washing over them as Gordon started moving their hair around, spreading the dampness. </p>
<p>After a few minutes of this, they started having trouble paying attention to what Gordon was saying. It was simply too calming for them and they couldn’t resist closing their eyes. They heard something about...shampoo? Before they knew it, they felt his hands gently massaging their scalp. It startled them a bit at first, but they gradually eased into it, enjoying the touch. Their ears registered the sound of something foamy being spread through their hair as they heard Gordon murmur something inaudible. They couldn’t make out what it was, but that didn’t matter right now. This feeling is <em>heavenly</em>, and they’re not just going to let this moment go to waste.</p>
<p>After a few short minutes though, the soft touch of the hands was gone, instead replaced by the familiar, lukewarm water. The feeling was immensely satisfying, though it felt like it was over in no time at all. They opened their eyes again, still feeling relaxed, as Gordon ran his hands through their hair, softly squeezing out some rests of dampness. Benrey themselves put a hand on their hair, gasping in shock at the smooth texture it now has.</p>
<p>“You like it? It still has to dry up a bit, give it an hour or two. Be careful when brushing it, though.”</p>
<p>Benrey simply nodded, still speechless. Gordon laughed at the sight, patting them on the shoulder.</p>
<p>“You’ve got...really nice hair, actually. Uh, ‘s a shame you never washed it yourself. At least I, uh, I assume you never have? Either way, uh, yeah. Like your hair.” Gordon started absentmindedly picking at strands of their hair when talking. </p>
<p>He noticed that the parts of their hair that had already dried up a bit looked...awfully wavy? Almost curly, but not quite. Maybe their hair had straightened itself out because they hadn’t washed it for so long, or something? Lookin’ forward to seeing their wavy head of hair when it was fully dried up, he thought to himself. That would surely be a cute sight. <em>...wait, cute? Did he really just think that? He didn’t, right? Fuck. Definitely not the time to unpack all of th-</em></p>
<p>“you ok there feetman? mumblin n shit. speak up pleaze i cant hear youu.”</p>
<p>They interrupted his train of thought. <em>Was he thinking out loud? Ugh, great. Sounded like Benrey didn’t catch any of it, though.</em></p>
<p>“A-ah, uh, sorry. Got a little carried away there.” Gordon immediately removed his hands from their head of hair, much to their dismay.</p>
<p>“I should probably clean all of this up, huh? You can go, uh, do something else now. Thanks for being so patient by the way, it must’ve been annoying to h-“</p>
<p>“what? nah bro it was great. great good. Gordos gives best hair. wash. thanks.”</p>
<p>As incomprehensible as they were sometimes, Gordon really did appreciate them. He chuckled in approval of, what he could only assume to be, their compliment.</p>
<p>~~~~~</p>
<p>The rest of the day had been rather uneventful—though not in a bad way—yet as the evening hit there was a feeling of tiredness in the air. Joshua had just had a short-lived burst of energy before practically falling asleep on Gordon’s lap, so he decided to let him rest in his crib. It was getting a bit late, anyway. Benrey, although still playing some games, was starting to look tired as well.</p>
<p>“Mind if I join you on the couch?” Gordon, already having anticipated what their answer was going to be, seated himself on the couch next to Benrey.</p>
<p>“nah bro not at all.” Their tone sounded a bit woozy, more slow than usual.</p>
<p>“So what’re you playing?” It was either because he was getting tired, or his eyesight was getting worse, but he genuinely couldn’t make out what game they were playing.</p>
<p>“mann i dont even kno...” They weren’t even playing the game, it seemed, just holding the controller.</p>
<p>As a silence fell between them, Gordon grabbed his phone and started scrolling. Benrey seemed to be getting bored themselves, closing the game and shutting the console down. They hesitated, before carefully leaning against Gordon, resting their head on his shoulder, looking at his screen.</p>
<p>“whatcha doin Gordon.”</p>
<p>The fact that Benrey called him by his <em>actual</em> name for once startled Gordon. He looked at them, not having noticed that they had shifted so close to him.</p>
<p>“Just, uh, just checking in on some of my favorite streamers. Especially this Justin TV guy. Tweets, uh, tweets some good stuff every now and then.”</p>
<p>“laaame.”</p>
<p>“Whatever.”</p>
<p>Some brief banter ensued, and after yet another silence fell—a more comfortable one, this time—Gordon turned off his phone and got up to charge it, leaving Benrey on their own on the couch.</p>
<p>“no get back here...broo...”</p>
<p>“What? I’m just putting my phone on the charger, be back in a sec.”</p>
<p>They let out some annoyed grumbles but patiently waited for him to come back, returning to the same position they were in just then. Neither of them said a thing to the other, but they didn’t mind. The sun was already down, the only faint beams of light creeping through the closed curtains were those of streetlights. The only other thing illuminating the room was the gentle light of a floor lamp. It was almost completely silent aside from a ticking clock in the living room and the occasional car driving by outside.</p>
<p>After a while, however, Gordon caught the noise of cloth rustling, shifting, and focused his eyes. Benrey had inched closer, wrapping one of their arms around his own arm, grabbing the wrist of his non-prosthetic hand with their other hand, slowly stroking the back of his hand with their thumb. It felt...nice. Reassuring. When they seemed content, they intertwined their fingers with his and leaned their head deeper into his shoulder, snuggling up against him. He could feel their loose, soft hair piling up around his neck and shoulders as they let out a deep, satisfied sigh. Gordon was perplexed by this, and hesitated for a bit before rubbing his thumb against their hand the same way they had. Benrey almost immediately let go of him and jolted back, looking panicked.</p>
<p>“Woah, uh, are you OK? i didn’t m-“</p>
<p>“i, um. i’m sorry i didn’t. uh. i thought you were, like, asleep or whatever.”</p>
<p>Gordon paused for a moment, just looking at Benrey, who didn’t return the eye contact. He was desperately thinking of something to say but he didn’t know what.</p>
<p>“so, uh, i should probably like, head to bed now i guess. sorry for uh. that.”</p>
<p>“No, no, it-it’s fine! I don’t mind, really!” Gordon was struggling to find the right words. “...We all need, like, hugs sometimes, yeah? It’s alright, I, uh, I get it! I-I give Joshie tons of hugs, too! He loves ‘em. No need to be sorry for that.”</p>
<p>“i don’t think you. uh. you ge-“ They cut themselves off, seeming unsure of what to say. “...i mean, thank you. i’ll uh- yeah, thanks.”</p>
<p>Neither of them spoke for a solid, awkward 6 seconds.</p>
<p>“anyway i think. i should really head to bed now. for real.”</p>
<p>“You don’t have to, bu-“</p>
<p>“no, i-i should. thank you and goodnight.” Their usual whimsical tone of voice was not present.</p>
<p>They quickly walked over to the guest bedroom, closing the door behind them with a resounding thud. Gordon sat there, somewhat confused about what just happened, and attempted to organize his thoughts. They didn’t seem angry, at least. Moreso...hurt? Did he do something wrong? He told them it was fine, right? God, did he suck at reading people sometimes. Most of the time it’s a subconscious thing but this situation left him absolutely clueless. Part of him wanted to check on Benrey, but he ultimately decided against it. It’s too late for this anyway, he should head to bed soon as well. Maybe talk it out tomorrow, or just never speak of it again. From what he understood, most likely the latter.</p>
<p>He yawned and stared at the clock.</p>
<p>
  <em>Yeah, it’s definitely time for bed.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>sorry for ending this chapter on such a bittersweet note!! it’ll be all good by the next chapter i promise ok ...</p>
<p>thank you so much for reading! kudos and comments are always appreciated! &lt;33</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Benrey turns towards Gordon for comfort during a thunderstorm.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hey so i’m probs gonna take a short break from writing this fic or at least take longer to upload the new chapter than usual. think like abt 2 weeks maybe? both for personal reasons and to do some more chapter planning. and also to avoid burnout/stress i suppose bc MAN writing this has taken a toll on me. i still love writing it ofc but i feel like it will greatly affect the quality of the next chapters if i’m not going to take a break. also i’m most likely going to end this fic on chapter 12?? probably.</p>
<p>anyway, enjoy reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Both Benrey and Gordon had started slipping into a comfortable routine. Benrey was turning into much less of a problem than Gordon had originally anticipated, dare he say they were growing on him, though he still did most of the work around the house. That’s not to say Benrey didn’t do anything, of course, they did the dishes occasionally. That’s pretty much it, actually, but the company of another adult isn’t worth nothing. They spouted incoherent nonsense most of the time, but they could still be genuine and serious if they so desired. He really missed that kind of contact, almost like it left a void inside him. Not to say Joshua wasn’t there to fill that void, but Benrey was an addition which he cherished more than he would have anticipated.</p>
<p>Benrey, though now able to practice proper self-care thanks to Gordon, still has their fair share of odd habits. They would usually wake up and go to sleep at ungodly hours, though they always made sure to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner with the other two, while also taking care of Joshua whenever needed. He still has a lot they need to teach them on that front, but they were surprisingly responsible with his son. They seemed to have developed...a bond of sorts. The two of them would play video games together, although Benrey did most of the playing. They seemed to genuinely enjoy making Joshua laugh and smile, going to astounding lengths to make him happy. And Joshua, obviously, was enjoying all of it.</p>
<p>They had also gotten the time to meet up with the others again to catch up several times, turning it into a weekly thing. Bubby and Coomer had treated the group to dinner at an extraordinarily fancy restaurant last time, though no one dared to ask them where they got the money to afford all of it from. Benrey seemed much more comfortable this time around. They were rather talkative, sharing a couple of funny stories that they and Gordon had lived through. Among which were some cooking mishaps and slip ups when playing with Joshua (though most of these were Benrey’s fault). All things considered, it was a great time.</p>
<p>Benrey and Gordon have had plently of time to spend together, too. Aside from doing menial housework, they’d still play games together, and have movie nights occasionally. Gordon would always pick out some underground sci-fi flick whenever he got to choose one, and when it was Benrey’s turn they’d watch an equally as obscure so-bad-it’s-good type film. Their tastes in movies complimented each other well, as they both enjoyed watching these types of films. It was after one of these movie nights, when they had both headed off to bed, when a thunderstorm approached.</p>
<p>It was late at night, and Benrey had just started dozing off in bed, when a loud clap of thunder shook them wide awake again. In an almost comical manner, they jolted up out of surprise, now sitting up straight. They had trouble breathing as they were audibly inhaling and exhaling at a speed that definitely wasn’t normal. It almost felt as if something was choking them, but there was no sign of such a thing. They had just started to register why they were awoken so suddenly, when an almost blinding flash of light crept through the closed curtains, followed shortly thereafter by yet another low, loud noise.</p>
<p>They grabbed their helmet and put it on in an attempt to block out the noise, but it could still be heard, albeit a bit more muffled. It was rather uncomfortable to wear when lying down, too. Itchy, almost, and it didn’t help them with falling asleep in any way. The sound of thunder only seemed to grow louder and Benrey started to feel panic rush over them.</p>
<p>They sat up straight again, actively trying to steady their breath as they turned on the lamp on the nightstand next to them. The lightbulb inside was dim, flickering occasionally, and nothing compared to the light of the cracks of thunder which were ramping up in frequency. Fresh tears started rolling down Benrey’s cheeks, and they didn’t want to come to terms with that right now. They just wanted this thunderstorm to go away, and to sleep.</p>
<p>Then an idea hit them, though they weren’t sure whether to follow through with it. As they were contemplating the sound of another crash of thunder reached their ears—perhaps as a sign of some sort—, and they had made up their mind. Might as well be worth a try, right? They took off their helmet and half-reluctantly walked towards the door.</p>
<p>After they stumbled through the faintly lit hallway, they reached the door to Gordon’s bedroom. They knocked on the door reflexively, but opened it and slowly walked in when didn’t hear an answer. Wanting to stealthily walk over to him and gently wake him up, they found Gordon wasn’t as fast asleep as they had expected. He calmly opened his eyes and took a while to sit up, looking tired and confused, before saying a word.</p>
<p>“Huh...hey Benrey. Are-are you okay? What’s- uh, do you need something?” He rubbed his eyes, looking attentively at the other afterwards.</p>
<p>They had never noticed this before, but he had a small lamp on his nightstand that was emitting a warm light. Perhaps he had some kind of fear of the dark? Or he just forgot to turn it off? Either way, they weren’t in the mood to tease him for it.</p>
<p>“so, uh. there’s a thunderstorm.”</p>
<p>They remained silent for a bit, and Gordon was unsure whether they were expecting a response.</p>
<p>“Yeah, it’s uh, pretty heavy out there, huh?”</p>
<p>“yeah. uh, ‘s very loud. and i can’t sleep cuz of it.”</p>
<p>Gordon look puzzled for a moment, trying to think of something.</p>
<p>“Oh, I see...I, uh, I think I have some earplugs somewhere, maybe? I always wear ‘em whenever someone in the neighborhood is partying. Y’know, with all the loud music? So I get where you’re coming from.”</p>
<p>Gordon was about to get up to look for them, but was stopped by Benrey.</p>
<p>“no, no i mean like- i don’t, uh. the sound is only, like, half of it. half of the problem.”</p>
<p>“...Wait. You mean like, you’re afraid of lightning?”</p>
<p>Benrey’s expression shifted to one of embarrassment, like they’ve just been caught.</p>
<p>“a-a little bit, yeah.”</p>
<p>This took him by surprise, as he had always assumed them to be practically fearless. If it had been any other moment, Gordon wouldn’t have wasted a second to start making jokes, but he was humane enough to know that now wasn’t to time to pester them with it.</p>
<p>“So uh, sorry, but, what can I do? I’m glad to help, but, what exactly is it that I can do to help you?”</p>
<p>Benrey absolutely loved this man but <em>God</em> could he be oblivious sometimes.</p>
<p>“i mean like, can i, like...” Benrey gestured, pointing towards the other side of the bed Gordon currently wasn’t occupying, not saying another word.</p>
<p>“...Yeah?” He gazed in the direction they were pointing, not noticing anything out of place and tilting his head in confusion.</p>
<p>They sighed in frustration. <em>They were really gonna have to spell it out for him, huh?</em></p>
<p>“can i join you? here, i mean. until the storm is over. i’ll leave after that if you want me to.”</p>
<p>Gordon wore a pensive expression. You could almost see the cogs turning in his head, before everything seemed to fall into place, and he looked apologetic as he noticed the dried up tears on their cheeks.</p>
<p>“Oh. Oooh. Sorry that- my brain is, uh, not working right now, I’m sorry. Yeah, of course. You can stay as long as you like if it helps. Here.”</p>
<p>Gordon pat the empty side of the bed, gesturing for them to take it, and they did. It was neatly made, they didn’t even need to fluff up the pillow. They slipped under the covers and immediately it felt like a thick layer of warmth was encasing them. The mattress felt a little stiff at first, like it hadn’t been used in forever, but after a while they comfortably started sinking into it. </p>
<p>“G’night, Benrey”</p>
<p>“good. sleep.”</p>
<p>Whether it was because of this bed or the presence of another, this was <em>way</em> better than the guest bedroom. Benrey turned to lie on their side after a bit, facing Gordon’s back.</p>
<p>They had never seen him sleeping this peacefully before. Granted, they had rarely seen him sleeping to begin with, but from all the times that they had—mostly in Black Mesa—this was a rare sight. His breathing wasn’t ragged, he was lying almost completely still, and he wasn’t making any...concerning noises. It may be an unusual thing to get excited over, to see someone sleeping normally, but they couldn‘t help it. As they were staring at his loose, messy hair, and the way his shoulders moved up and down along with the rhythm of his breathing, they couldn’t fight the urge to inch closer to him. The last time they tried something like this it...ended up pretty disastrously in their eyes, but it was difficult to resist. Now that they thought about it, was he even really asleep? It had only been a few minutes after all, though he had mostly been silent.</p>
<p>Benrey hesitated when they realized this, but eventually wrapped their arms around him, burying their head in his neck and hair. Gordon barely seemed to budge, only letting out a content puff of air as they embraced him. Though they swore he could feel him leaning into them ever so slightly. The warmth of his body felt like a blanket as they clung to him, briefly nuzzling into his back before returning to their previous resting position.</p>
<p>The rumbling of thunder seemed to move to mere background noise as Benrey focused on Gordon’s steady inhales and exhales. He seemed either unaware of or unbothered by the...inherent weirdness of this situation. That’s just another thing to add on to the list of things they liked about him, they supposed. Benrey themself did feel a little...weird about the whole thing, even though they had his full consent to be here. A wave of calmness began to wash over them soon, however, as they relaxed their hold and started dozing off...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When they woke up they were greeted by the light of the bedside lamp, along with soft streaks of sunlight across the walls. To their utter dismay, however, Gordon wasn’t present. </p>
<p>They started to worry that they had scared him off, that he had awoken earlier only to find them holding him, and left them alone. They wanted to get up and look for him, but at the same time lacked the strength to get out of bed in this state, shamefully holding back tears.</p>
<p>It was then that they smelled something...familiar, and it was getting closer. Without warning, Gordon opened the door to the bedroom, tray in hand. He looked somewhat surprised at Benrey once he noticed they were already up.</p>
<p>“Oh, I—s-sorry, are you okay? I hope you didn’t, uh, feel too bad about waking up on your own. Alone, I mean. For the record, I would <em>never</em> leave you hanging like that, especially after a storm like that. Um, not on purpose, at least.” Gordon chuckled. “Speaking of which, how are you doing? Did you sleep well?”</p>
<p>Benrey, now relieved and sensing a blush creeping up on their face, could give nothing more than a small nod and a quiet “yeah”.</p>
<p>“Good! That’s, that’s great to hear. I, uh, made some pancakes for you, for breakfast. You seemed fast asleep when I woke up, so I figured I could prepare something for you real quick and then come wake you up. But it seems you beat me to it.”</p>
<p>“oh damnit i should-should’ve like, pretended to be asleep so that you could uh, give me like a little wake up smooch or something...man...” Benrey half-jokingly said.</p>
<p>“Maybe next time.” Gordon teased, chuckling. “Anyway, these are yours.”</p>
<p>He handed them the tray. There was a small stack of pancakes on a plate, syrup dripping off the sides.</p>
<p>“Oh, and, sorry if some of them are a little burned. I wasn’t, uh, completely awake yet, so to say.”</p>
<p>“it’s fine. they look a great. and they’re probably gonna taste great too.”</p>
<p>Benrey looked up from the tray sitting in their lap, shifting their gaze towards Gordon. He was smiling sweetly at them after having received that compliment.</p>
<p>“thank you, Gordon.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thank you so much for reading! comments and kudos are always appreciated! &lt;33</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>benny and gordos wholesome momence ... but also uh oh??!?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i suck at writing chapter summaries sorry &lt;3<br/>anyways ! am back. hopefully i’ll get the next chapter out at a similar pace (probably). this chapter was a lot better in my head when i was planning it lol but i still think it turned out fine.</p>
<p>all that aside, have fun reading! &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Gordon was awake, but didn’t want to open his eyes yet. As he started becoming more aware of his surroundings, he registered a certain warmth next to him. Whatever it was, it was wrapped around him, and likewise he had wrapped his arms around it. Although it was cozy, he could hear his stomach rumbling, communicating to him that he should get up to prepare a meal soon. He reluctantly opened his eyes. Still in a daze, it took him a while to pull himself away from the source of this warmth, and it took him even longer to realize that said source turned out to be his still fast asleep roommate.</p>
<p>As he sat up in bed, listening to the sound of Benrey’s gentle snoring, he recalled what happened yesterday. They’ve made it a habit of sleeping together during thunderstorms as it was the easiest solution for the problem Benrey had been facing. Hell, sometimes they’d even join him despite there being no ongoing storm at that moment. All things considered, it was soothing for them, made them able to sleep, and Gordon didn’t mind either way. In fact, it was rather comforting for him, too. Though there’s something about waking up next to them like this. It’s an odd feeling, but in a good way. Dare he say...butterflies in his stomach? No, actually, that’s probably just because he’s hungry, right? Either way, he should really make some breakfast before thinking too much about all of that.</p>
<p>It was still raining outside when he walked into the living room, though no sign of thunder anymore. Last night’s storm was rough, one of the worst ones in quite a while. He vaguely remembers Benrey coming into his room when the storm had began, but he was already half-asleep by then. Even now, he’s not entirely awake either. Probably shouldn’t make anything too complex, that might end badly in this state.</p>
<p>While preparing breakfast, he got a little caught up in his thoughts, most of which were regarding Benrey. It’s quite an odd situation he’s found himself in, living together with the person who was partially responsible for getting his hand cut off. They’ve apologized for it already, and he has already forgiven him, of course. Plus he’s gotten a lot more versatile with his prosthetic, it’s starting to grow on him, actually. But it’s odd nonetheless. If it wasn’t for the fact that Joshua has taken such a liking to them, he would be way more reluctant to let them near his son. It seems he especially loves it when they use the sweet voice, and Gordon himself has to admit that it is quite the captivating sound and sight. It’s functional, too, helps Joshua calm down when he needs to sleep. Benrey helps him out more than he gives them credit for, in all honesty. </p>
<p>They’re not half-bad as general company, either. They always know how to make him laugh, they’re surprisingly kind and considerate at times, and don’t even get him started on the way they smile. Most likely they were still dozing off in bed right now, but maybe once he would wake them up for breakfast, he’d get to see that smile once again. At least, he’d hope so.</p>
<p>At the mere thought, a slight smile of his own spread across his face, and he couldn’t resist humming and dancing a little bit, both out of excitement and to let out some excess energy. He was almost done, when someone snuck up to him, placing both hands on his shoulders.</p>
<p>“what’cha doin.”</p>
<p>“Benrey! Jesus.” Gordon yelped in surprise, not having noticed them.</p>
<p>“oops haha. did i scare ya?”</p>
<p>“Yes, actually.” Gordon sighed and attempted to loosen up his tensed shoulders. “Please warn me next time, or something.”</p>
<p>“got it. i, uh, like your dancing, by the way.”</p>
<p>“Screw you, man. All this...standing here in the kitchen just uh, got a little too boring for me, that’s all.”</p>
<p>Benrey lifted their hands up, wrapping them around Gordon’s chest instead, and rested their head on his shoulders.</p>
<p>“i meant it. ‘s cute.”</p>
<p>Gordon was aware that they were just teasing him, but he couldn’t prevent his face from heating up at that particular choice of words. The way they were standing didn’t help too much, either. It was almost like they wanted to see his reaction. He could feel their hair rubbing up against his neck as they tilted their head to look at him. Gordon tried to cover his face, but it was in vain, as he could already hear Benrey chuckle before they let go of him.</p>
<p>“almost done?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, uh, 2 minutes max.”</p>
<p>“sweet. i’ll wake up Joshie real quick.”</p>
<p>It was interactions like these that made Gordon question what was going on with their relationship. I mean, sleeping together during thunderstorms, cuddling during movie nights...it could all just be platonic, of course. But it doesn’t <em>feel</em> that way with them, though he can’t point out exactly why that is. Benrey likes confusing people, he knows that much. Maybe it’s all just an elaborate prank of some sort, but something about that doesn’t sit right with him either. He always tells himself to brush it off, and figure it out later, but he <em>has to</em> get to the bottom of this soon.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was a sunny afternoon when Gordon was busy emptying all the bins in the house and taking out the trash. He had gotten to most of them already, dumping the contents in the trash bag he carried with him as he went along. Benrey’s room was one of the last few he had to check. They had been living with him for quite a while already, so much so that they had mutually agreed to the unspoken rule that they didn’t have to ask for permission to enter each other’s rooms, especially not when it came to household chores such as these. They were long past that point. Benrey seemed rather busy anyway, playing with Joshua, and if Gordon wasn’t occupied with this he would’ve joined in for sure. He opened the door to their room and turned on the lights.</p>
<p>It looked the same as usual. A few clothes and some other various items cluttered around here and there, but the room still looked well-cared for overall. The floor was clean, bed was made, closet organized... there’s no way in hell Gordon was ever going to admit this to Benrey, but he was very excited to see that they had actually picked up some good cleaning habits. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, but compared to what it <em>used</em> to look like when they first moved in...it’s a major improvement, to say the least.</p>
<p>Something else caught his eye, however. He had walked over to their desk and noticed that the bin next to it, surprisingly, seemed to be somewhat full. Normally there would only be one or two empty cans of soda or some energy drink at the bottom, nothing more. Any other trash they had, they’d usually dump in the kitchen bin. They spent a lot more time in the living room than their bedroom anyway, so this made sense to Gordon. But this time their bin was almost completely filled to the brim, and almost all of it consisted of crumpled up papers.</p>
<p>On one hand, Gordon wanted to ignore it and just empty the bin. On the other hand, his curiosity was piqued, as it seemed rather uncharacteristic for them. He had never seen them draw or write. Hell, he was pretty sure he had never seen them hold a pencil to begin with. Not wanting to invade their privacy, he opted to just empty it as per usual. Though when he accidentally dropped one of the harshly folded pieces of paper and went to pick it up off the floor, something stuck out to him.</p>
<p>“to Gordon”</p>
<p>It was tough to make out at first, but that was unmistakably his name, written at the top of a page torn out of a notebook. Something about reading his name in someone else’s script made his heart skip a beat. Their handwriting was sloppy, but in a genuine and endearing way. Almost too fitting for someone like them.</p>
<p>Gordon hadn’t moved an inch in the meanwhile, struggling with this dilemma. <em>Was he going to look at it or not? It’s clearly addressed to him, right? But then again, it’s in the trash. They probably don’t want him to read it. Well, there are like, 20 other pieces of paper in there. How much could it hurt to just...read one, and leave it at that? Just to see what it’s about. They probably won’t even notice.</em></p>
<p>And so he did, picking up the small piece of paper and unfolding it further, being careful not to tear the vulnerable material. The contents of the paper were a little bit of a let-down, to be truthful. There was a lot of scribbling, due to which most of the text was unreadable. From what he could make out, though, it read:</p>
<p>“to Gordon</p>
<p>this is <strike>hard</strike> difficult to write, but i wanted to-“</p>
<p>Followed by two to three lines which have been scribbled out in an aggressive manner. He could make out some of the words, but they didn’t seem to be of any importance, nor could they be pieced together to form anything cohesive. At the bottom of the page were the words “from Benrey” written in the same handwriting. </p>
<p>What was more notable, though, was the way the rest of the page was filled up. Not with words, but with doodles. Most of them were practically indecipherable, but he could make out a PlayStation logo, a dog—presumably Sunkist—, and a <em>lot</em> of poorly drawn hearts. At least, he assumed they were hearts? The real star of the show, however, was a crude drawing of two people. In all honesty, it looked like something a six-year-old had drawn. As he inspected it more closely, he noticed that they were both holding some smaller person—a kid, perhaps?—with one hand each, while simultaneously holding each other’s hand. Interestingly, said kid wore a cowboy hat, which reminded him of Joshua. It looked...sweet. The three of them looked really happy.</p>
<p>As he absent-mindedly stared at the drawing, the cogs in his head began to turn. <em>That one’s hair looks a lot like mine, actually. And that other one’s hair is suuuper dark. Reminds me of...wait.</em></p>
<p>For a moment his brain short-circuited. He didn’t move, nor speak, nor think. But immediately afterwards he dropped the piece of paper and silently but quickly tried to get ahold of another one from the bin, unfolding it. This one looked similar. More scribbles and doodles, with the same, awfully familiar drawings. He picked out another one, only to be met with a page much like the last one. He felt a little bad about rummaging through their trash like this, but his curiosity got the better of him.</p>
<p>
  <em>It can’t be...right? It’s...it’s just a coincidence. I’m overthinking this.</em>
</p>
<p>After more futile attempts to get a definitive answer, he abruptly stopped. Everything that happened between him and Benrey in the past few months was just starting to register fully. All the things they said to him, all the things he said in return, all the things on these pages...not to mention the blush that was starting to spread across his face. <em>God</em> did he feel stupid for only getting it <em>just now</em>. So many things were going through his mind, but he was interrupted while trying to sort out his thoughts.</p>
<p>“yo, feetman, where did you put the b-“</p>
<p>Benrey fell silent almost immediately after walking in, and Gordon was afraid to look at them. They could probably see all the pieces of paper laid out before him, along with the one he was holding right now. It was obvious what he was doing, no point in trying to deny it, but neither of them seemed to want to comment on it for a while as a most uncomfortable silence fell.</p>
<p>Eventually Gordon mustered up courage to at least vaguely look in their direction.</p>
<p>“O-ok so, um, first of all, I am so, <em>so</em> fucking sorry. I- there’s no excuse for this, and I’m sorry. I should’ve have...I...”</p>
<p>Aside from apologizing profusely, he didn’t really know what to say. Is there even anything appropriate to say in this moment to begin with? Benrey shifted their gaze towards Gordon, though it seemed like they were looking off into the distance. They wore a deadpan expression, combined with just a tinge of fear and discomfort. They were completely out of it, and understandably so.</p>
<p>“i-...i don’t...”</p>
<p>“...Look, I...I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. Is there-...can I do anything to make this up to you? As an apology?”</p>
<p>No response. Neither did their expression change. Though after a few seconds, they took a few steps back, out of the room. They then turned around and hastily walked off. Some part of Gordon wanted to go after them, comfort them...tell them that he might even feel the same way, maybe? At this point he doesn’t even know himself. He thought it would be more...obvious to know. He never directly confronted his feelings for them after all, let alone acknowledge them. The more he reflects on everything the more stupid he starts to feel. He probably made Benrey feel like shit, and for what?</p>
<p>He barely managed to find the energy to empty the bin into the trash bag and leave the room, though there seemed to be no sign of Benrey in the living room. He dropped the bag and calmly tried to look for them, and after a while he noticed that the bathroom door was locked, and some noise that vaguely sounded like them came from inside. He figured they needed some space, and he himself probably also needed some time to...process this.</p>
<p>After what felt like half an hour, the door to the bathroom opened, and Benrey stumbled into the living room. Gordon was occupying the couch, scrolling through his phone as his ears perked up.</p>
<p>“so uh. can we talk, like, later today? about...y’know.”</p>
<p>Gordon didn’t dare look at them yet, but their voice was shaky. It was pretty clear they had been crying, so he made sure to speak in a gentle manner.</p>
<p>“Sure, whenever you’re ready.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hope you enjoyed reading! apologies for the angst/cliffhanger(?). all will be good by the end of the next chapter i promise u ...</p>
<p>comments and kudos are always appreciated! &lt;333</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Benrey has to confess after keeping their feelings to themself for so long, and Gordon is unsure how to react. Miscommunication ensues, and Gordon is forced to set things straight.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>man this took long to write lol but we’re finally here!! final chapter babeyyy!!</p><p>honestly too tired to add anything else here after spellchecking this chapter, so without further ado, have fun reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dinner was...awkward. Benrey clearly didn’t want to say anything, which Gordon respected. But there was little to fill the silence, the calm before the storm. It was like both of them knew that something major was going to happen, something that could potentially change their relationship, for better or for worse. Benrey didn’t say a thing, nor did they make eye contact, nor did they even look in his general direction. They seemed to be preparing themself, their mind completely occupied. Gordon spoke up occasionally, though only to talk to Joshua, but his usual sympathetic tone of voice was gone. Instead it was replaced by what sounded like a more frustrated one to Benrey, which worried them. They ate nonetheless, fearfully anticipating what’s to come.</p><p>By the time they were both done eating, the air had a certain thickness to it, one that made it more difficult to breathe. Benrey figured it was probably because they were extremely nervous, but that didn’t make it any better. This was most definitely going to end disastrously, they figured. Gordon invited them over to sit on the couch to talk. They tried to stall for time, but eventually Benrey gave in and joined him, though they purposefully took a seat quite a distance away from him.</p><p>Gordon noticed that their body looked far less relaxed than usual, and sighed quietly before speaking to them with a gentle voice.</p><p>“I don’t want to pressure you into doing or saying anything. Take your time, and talk to me when you feel you’re ready, okay?”</p><p>Benrey’s throat tightened when they realized they were actually going to have to <em>talk</em>. It’s not like they didn’t anticipate it, of course they had to talk. They just hadn’t rehearsed anything to themself, and the other’s words hit them like a brick because of this. The silence between them has lasted too long for their liking already, and they scrambled for any words to say to fill said silence, though most of what came out was incoherent.</p><p>“i uh, yeah, thanks. yeah. i need...i need to, need to...think. when you’re ready, yeah. i think i...um...”</p><p>It seemed mostly like Benrey was talking to themself, organizing their thoughts out loud, but Gordon was still listening attentively nonetheless. They could feel his gaze on them every so often, only briefly. But his stare was a patient one, a reassuring one. One that whispered to them a thousand kind words that put them at ease. Benrey’s ramblings went on a while longer, when those occasional glances they received from Gordon had fully motivated them, cheered them on as much as they could. They stopped talking for the shortest, yet the most stretched out moment ever, before opening their mouth.</p><p>“i, uh, i like, like you bro. like, <em>like</em> like. i...i love you, is what i’m trying to say. um.”</p><p>Benrey desperately wanted to say more, to further explain their love for him. The way he’s cared for them, how he still chose to trust them despite everything that happened in the past. The way he even gave them a second chance to begin with. How everything seemed to fall into place for them the past few months they had spent with them. It all just felt so <em>right</em>, but they could barely manage to even<em>think</em> about uttering such words right now, let alone figure out how they should phrase it. They’re not quite some master wordsmith, after all. Throughout all of this, their face has consistently been heating up more and more. In all honesty, they wanted to cry at this moment, but the best they could do right now is hope that he returns the sentiment. What scared Benrey, though, is that he seemed rather perplexed after hearing their words, appearing lost in his thoughts.</p><p>Gordon should’ve seen this coming. Maybe he did, subconsciously, but hearing it this way was like, an entirely different thing. It came directly from them. They <em>said</em> it. It wasn’t some poorly written, half scribbled out confession on a scrap of paper. They directly told him, and he knew for sure they weren’t playing some silly prank on him. This was...<em>real</em>. And it took him longer to process than he had anticipated, longer than he would’ve liked to.</p><p>“I’m, uh... I don’t know...how...”</p><p>Benrey looked at him, wearing a scared yet hopeful expression on his face, expecting at least <em>some</em> kind of response. But Gordon didn’t say anything. It was like he had forgotten how to speak. He was only stuttering at a loss for words for a couple of seconds, but it felt like minutes to them. They looked at him, desperate eyes staring him down, but nothing else escaped his mouth.</p><p>Eventually, something within them seemed to snap, and in a sudden fit of frustration, they turned to run towards the front door, swiftly unlocking it and rushing outside, haphazardly slamming the door shut behind them. Gordon had weakly yelled at them to come back, but they either didn’t catch it or ignored it, as they didn’t react. As much as he wanted to chase them, his body didn’t let him. He was still hung up on everything that had happened in the past 5 minutes. He desperately wanted to be the stronger, more responsible person here, but he was lost on what to do for a moment. He felt like crying just then, but he took a bit of time to recollect himself, and started to focus again. Taking a deep breath, he muttered a quick “Alright, let’s do this.” to himself.</p><p>He had to find Benrey and set some things straight.</p><p>~~~~~~</p><p>Benrey had been running away for quite a while now, though they had no clue where they were going. As long as it was <em>away</em> from that house, away from him. They didn’t want him to see them, not like this. It became difficult to tell the rain on their face and their rolling tears apart, but they just kept running. Luckily for them, there was barely anyone else outside this late at night, and when they reached what seemed to be a park of sorts, it almost looked abandoned as they wandered through it. The bright light of the street lanterns illuminating all the wet grass and trees was a wonderful sight, but they were too overwhelmed to take it all in right now. It was ever so slightly calming, however. As they were catching their breath, they decided to sit down on one of the park’s benches—they could care less that it was completely drenched, considering they were as well—and gather their thoughts.</p><p>Why didn’t he say anything? Why did he just...leave them hanging like that? Maybe if they stuck around a little longer, would he have said anything? And would they even want to hear what he had to say? They already had a feeling that he was going to reject them, so why bother? It would just be humiliating, if anything. They had indulged in the idea that maybe their feelings would be returned, but reality hit them hard. How could he ever love a nuisance like them?</p><p>Benrey’s thoughts kept flowing, as did their tears. They even started to consider that they would need to find a different place to stay at. They just couldn’t bring themself to face Gordon at this point, and they doubted he would want to see them again after this. Their relationship is probably ruined beyond repair, and it’s all their fault. If they had just not said anything, if they had just kept hiding the truth, then maybe...maybe...</p><p>They buried their head in their hands, trying—mostly in vain—to cry as quietly as possible, when they heard a voice in the distance.</p><p>~~~~~~</p><p>Gordon had suited up, umbrella in hand, carrying an extra coat in the other, and headed outside. The rain had gotten worse from what he could tell, but the umbrella took care of that. He wasn’t sure how he was going to handle this, he didn’t exactly concoct a foolproof plan or anything, he just wanted to get Benrey back inside so that they didn’t catch a cold at the very least. Everything else could come later.</p><p>He walked around mostly aimlessly, only having a vague idea for where the other could be. Most likely somewhere secluded, probably nearby considering running could only take you so far. In the worst case scenario they would still be running at this moment, but considering Benrey’s stamina, he didn’t consider it too likely.</p><p>He called out to them occasionally, though moreso as a reflex of sorts, as he wasn’t actually expecting an answer. As he approached the park, however, it was like his sixth sense had just activated, like he could feel they were nearby. They had to be here.</p><p>“Benrey? Benrey, are you there?”</p><p>No response, as to be expected, of course. He understood that Benrey most likely didn’t want to see him right now. They ran out for a reason, after all. While normally he would respect such boundaries, leaving them out in the rain, alone, was beyond cruel. He would be more than happy to give them privacy, but not like this.</p><p>In hindsight, he should’ve said something to them in response. Anything more than just, pointless rambling. He <em>knew</em> what was coming, he <em>knew</em> what was going to happen, and yet... nothing. Maybe it was rash behavior on their end, storming outside before Gordon could even utter a proper response, but he couldn’t help but feel at least partially responsible. He could see where they were coming from, too. The whole situation must’ve been nothing short of nerve-wracking for them, he figured. The more he thought about it, the more concerned he got, and he started picking up his pace.</p><p>“Benrey?”</p><p>First things first, he had to find them and settle all of this. Well, maybe bring them back home first, seeing as the weather was starting to worsen considerably. It seemed to only be raining for now, but Gordon had a feeling that thunder might be fast approaching.</p><p>It wasn’t long before he found a narrow trail of grass which looked like it had been walked—or ran, rather—through. Inspecting it more closely with his flashlight, he could determine that this trail has been made recently, along with some footprints that closely resembled the boots Benrey always likes to wear. This has to be it, he was sure of it. </p><p>Carefully yet quickly following the path that had been made through the grass, he eventually reached a clearing of sorts. He was pretty sure he had never been to this part of the park before, even though he would frequently take a stroll here with Joshua. Was he even still in said park? The area he had found himself in seemed to be coated in something mystical, something dreamlike. It was probably because he was tired on second thought, though the apparent lack of...people certainly added to that effect. However, not too far ahead laid some more regular brick paths, lined with the occasional bench. Once he looked more closely, he was sure one of the benches was occupied by a familiar figure.</p><p>“Benrey? Is that you? Please tell me that’s you.”</p><p>He shone his flashlight around, his shaking hand unable to keep it still. It was getting ridiculously cold outside, both due to the weather and the fact that it must’ve been around midnight already by now. Gordon just wanted to go home, but more than anything, he wanted to take Benrey with him first.</p><p>As he approached the bench he turned off his flashlight, both because he didn’t want to scare the other with it and the brightly shining street lantern already illuminated enough for the two of them. The figure, who he could now confirm to indeed be Benrey, was laying down sideways on the bench, though their eyes were still open. Gordon crouched down before them and placed a hand on their shoulder, holding up the umbrella he brought with above their head with his other hand. Before saying anything, he just looked at them for a bit. He sighed.</p><p>“I’m so glad I found you. I have a lot—actually, no, I, uh...are you okay?”</p><p>Benrey sniffed. The umbrella can’t keep them completely dry, it seems.</p><p>“the fuck does it look like? ‘are you okay’?” They mocked his tone, but it was clear they were holding back tears. “...why are you here?”</p><p>“Do you actually want me to answer that? Why wouldn’t I be? I can’t just, leave you out in the rain like this, dude. I-I know I get like, angry sometimes. But I’m not mean.”</p><p>This response made their eyes widen. They slowly got up, now sitting upright on the bench, their eyes fixated on the other’s hand that is still resting on their shoulder.</p><p>“you mean like. you went, uh, went looking for me ‘n everything. ‘cuz you care about me, yeah?” Their voice was still tinged with a slight bitterness.</p><p>“Uh, yeah? Duh. We’ve been living together for like, what, almost half a year now? More, maybe? You expect me to just, abandon you or something? No, man.”</p><p>Benrey shifts their gaze towards Gordon’s face, but it seems like they’re looking <em>just</em> past him. He looks down and sighs.</p><p>“I’m sorry I, I should be more straightforward. Yes, I care about you. I immediately started worrying about you, so you practically left me no choice but to go after you. Plus it’s...not as fun without you around. The more the merrier, y’know?”</p><p>Gordon was hesitant to gaze in their direction, afraid of the look they were giving him. Were they still upset at him, it would definitely be readable on their face. Would they be wearing a judgmental look? A resentful one? When he reluctantly tilted his head back up however, he was greeted by a...happy one. Happy along with a bit of satisfaction. It was a small, to most people unnoticeable change in their usual, neutral expression, but they were smiling. Looking more deeply, though, he sensed a bit of fear coming from them, too. </p><p>Without saying a word, he wrapped his arms around the other tightly, while still managing to hold the umbrella upright. A small trail of sweet voice orbs had escaped their mouth, all colored in a neat teal hue. It wasn’t long before they returned the hug, wrapping their arms around him as well, sighing contently. As Gordon tightened his hold around the other slightly, he heard the sweet voice yet again. Though this time going from blue to a pear-ish shade. Both the serene sight of the colorful orbs and the entrancing sound of Benrey’s voice filled his senses, and everything else, the sound of the rain, the rustling grass, became nothing more than mere background noise. </p><p>As much as he didn’t want this to end, Gordon eventually pulled away from the hug, though he kept his hands on the side of Benrey’s arms. He looked at them, and two tired eyes stared back at him. They didn’t say a single thing when he held out an extra coat he had brought with him, though he only realized now that it was probably a few sizes too big for them.</p><p>“Here, I probably should’ve given you this earlier. Sorry. But, uh, put it on, it’s cold. I don’t want you to get sick. Or cold.”</p><p>Taking the coat, they wrapped it around themself, easing into the warmth. Gordon couldn’t help but think how cute they looked just now, their smile growing ever so slightly as they encased themself with the oversized coat, using it like a blanket. They hummed contently, taking in the soft feeling of the fabric.</p><p>“thanks. great uh, nice.”</p><p>“Shall we get going, then? It’s only going to get colder.”</p><p>Benrey didn’t respond, looking away from Gordon awkwardly, still tightly clutching the coat he gave them. When he stood up, the other didn’t follow suit, solemnly remaining seated on the bench. He assumed that they would follow him, but as he started walking away he turned his head back around to spot them still sitting there.</p><p>“You coming or what, dude? I’m waiting.” Gordon chuckled in an attempt to lighten the mood a bit more.</p><p>“yeah, it’s just, i uh- can you at least, like, tell me what you think?”</p><p>“...What I think about <em>what</em>? Not sure if I’m following you here.”</p><p>“don’t play dumb. you know what i mean. it’s the fuckin’- reason i ran out here.”</p><p>Gordon’s expression quickly changed as he turned his head back around and sighed. Benrey, now somewhat tired of taking a more passive stance, stood up and grabbed the other, making him directly face them. They tried to look him in the eye, but he desperately avoided looking back at them.</p><p>“Like...here? You want me to talk about it <em>here</em>? We can just go home and talk about it la-“</p><p>“<em>yes. here.</em>” Benrey firmly said.</p><p>“Are you sure? I mean it’s not exactl-“</p><p>“what’s up with you, man? you nervous or something? look, aight, i <em>promise</em> that no matter what you say i’ll come home with you after, if that’s what you’re scared about. i...i can kinda tell what’s coming already, gotta expect the worst, ya know? so you don’t gotta hold back, but at least be, like, transparent with me for once.”</p><p>Gordon sighed deeply yet again before opening his mouth to speak, if only to buy himself more time. Benrey took a deep breath, bracing themself.</p><p>“i, uh...God, how do I put this without sounding like a middle schooler...I, I like you too, dude. It’s just been difficult for me to come to terms with. Not because—I’m sorry I didn’t mean that as, uh, as an insult, but... It’s been hard for me to...love. To love others the way that I used to love...her. Not comparing her to you, of course, it’s uh—you’re like, leagues ahead in several ways, believe me. But it’s just tough for me to do, man. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against the idea of, like, dating you or something. It sounds great actually, to be honest. But I am so, <em>so</em> scared that I’ll just...mess up and hurt you, or hurt myself. Or that I’ll do something else wrong and...and...”</p><p>Gordon, stuttering and stumbling over his words, covered his face with both of his hands, letting out an occasional whimper.</p><p>In the blink of an eye, Benrey wrapped their arms around him, pulling him into another hug. Gordon withdrew his hands from his face, encasing the other as well. The tears flowing out onto Benrey’s fabric covered shoulder were now caused by a mixture of sadness, relief, and general tiredness. He heard the faint sound of the sweet voice, and his field of vision became filled with orbs. Though his eyes were fogged up due to the tears, he could clearly make out the color. Blue. Nothing but a deep blue. He didn’t need to ask Tommy to know what that means. After what felt like several minutes to him, Benrey spoke up again.</p><p>“there. you uh. you feeling better now? it’s, uh, nice to hear you—good to hear your uh, response. even if it made you, um, cry. sorry about, like, forcing it out of you like that. didn’t-didn’t expect it though, so uh.”</p><p>Gordon nuzzled their shoulder, still sniffing every now and then, though the crying has mostly stopped.</p><p>“It’s alright, it—I think I needed this. I’m thankful you, uh, pushed me to talk about it, I suppose. I-I should—I can finally say that, I love you. And I’m glad that you came into my life, as weird as it all was back then. And I’m even more glad that you stuck around, even if you did so forcefully, to be blunt. I love you, I really do, though I’d prefer it if we...take it slow, maybe? ‘Cuz I need to get used to...starting to saying that again.”</p><p>If Benrey had just the slightest bit less control over their emotions, they’re sure they’d have started crying out of happiness right then and there. They couldn’t prevent the biggest, most gleeful smile from spreading across their face, however, as they leaned out of the hug to look at him.</p><p>“sure bro, no worries. i’m, uh, i’m as patient as they come. ‘specially for you.”</p><p>Gordon, both at the sight of their expression and their choice of words, felt a slight blush creep across his face as he couldn’t help but giggle softly.</p><p>“i have one, uh, one...<em>humble</em> request though, if it’s not too, like, forward...”</p><p>He perked his head up quizzically, gesturing to them to proceed.</p><p>“can i get a lil kiss? just a small kissy? lil smooch for benny? please?”</p><p>Gordon chuckled at their pleading mannerisms, though he gave in. Leaning forward slightly, he planted a small, gentle peck on their nose, before pulling back quickly. After adjusting his now slightly askew glasses, he could see their face flush a soft blue-ish hue, akin to the color of the sweet voice they use most often. Unusual to say the least, but it was something that weirded him out a lot less compared to all of the other things they did. It was rather cute, actually. The kind of thing he could never get tired of seeing. He made a mental note to give them more kisses like these in the future, if only to witness that adorable blush.</p><p>“aw yeah, epic—epic gamer moment, uhh, achievement unlocked: get kiss from gordos. nice dude. fuckin’ uh, yeah, nice.”</p><p>Gordon couldn’t hold back a few chuckles.</p><p>“Yeah, okay, shut up, you’re ruining the moment.” </p><p>“sorry sir.”</p><p>“You don’t gotta call me ‘sir’. We’re way past the point of those formalities already, especially so now. Anyway, we should really get going soon. It’s getting super late.”</p><p>“as long as uhhh we can cuddle up? i mean it is pretty cold after all.”</p><p>“Sure, but you’ve got to take a shower or something first. No offense, but it doesn’t smell very good.”</p><p>“that’s fair.”</p><p>The two of them walked back home through the rain, the umbrella keeping both of them dry. As they filled both of their ears with idle chatter and laughter, Gordon became more confident in his decision to solidify his relationship with Benrey like this. He enjoyed living with them, but he feels like keeping his emotions to himself for so long had prevented him from enjoying his time to the fullest with them. Even during this simple conversation, he could already sense the way it has changed for the better. More lighthearted, more free. It felt like he could breathe for once, not having to be suffocated by his thoughts and feelings. He could be <em>honest</em> with them, and they were prepared to <em>listen</em>.</p><p>He carried these thoughts with him as they arrived home, as late as it might have been by now. While Benrey was taking a short shower, Gordon checked up on Joshua. They had been away for quite a long time after all, but luckily he was sleeping contently. His peaceful expression meant everything to him just then. The three of them were going to make a lovely family, he thought to himself.</p><p>When he was lying in his bed, God knows how late it was by now, it was quiet. All except for Benrey’s gentle inhales and exhales, along with the occasional rustling of the covers. The warm light of his nightstand lamp showed him just enough of the other’s face to be able to tell that they were smiling, nestled into his chest. In that moment, everything was serene. They had told him that they didn’t mind the brightness of the light, that they could sleep as long as he was near. He was sure he could say the same. The warmth of another was something he didn’t know he had missed this much, and it almost lulled him right to sleep. In that moment, it was like everything had neatly fallen into place. </p><p>His eyelids grew heavy, but he wanted to say it again, tell them again.</p><p>
  <em>One more time.</em>
</p><p>“I love you, Benrey.”</p><p>“love ya too, Gordon.”</p><p>And in that moment, as they were both drifting off to sleep, everything felt right.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i hope you enjoyed reading! i probably won’t continue this fic in any significant ways, but i do have an epilogue of sorts in the works, though i might just upload that as a separate fic. either way, i’m takin’ a (in my opinion) well deserved break from writing after finishing this.</p><p>kudos and comments are always appreciated! please let me know your thoughts, cuz i love hearing em! thank you SO much for reading!! love you all &lt;333</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope you enjoyed reading it! idk when the next chapter will be out (if at all) because in all honesty this is just like a practice/test chapter? I have a vague vision but other than that no idea where im going with this. any tips/criticism (as long as its not too harsh im a lil sensitive baby) for my writing would be very helpful!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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